The Boozehound

[ Tuesday, April 30, 2002 ]

Well ladies and gents tomorrow is May 1st. Ah May 1st what a day. The day before I get to vote for some hideously bizarrie politcal party that promotes giving acid to school children. But May 1st itself. Yes May 1st is riot day. When thousonds of beatniks, anarchists, peacefreaks, anti-capitalists and downshifters take to the streets of London, and take a big fucking chunk out of it.


Ah yes. These riots are always fun to read about. The Daily Mail will hark on for a few weeks about how anyone who isnt a right-wing jackbooter should be put up against the wall. But lets not get things confused here kids. The majority of those in London tomorrow are Hippies and Peacefreaks. They dont want the violence. They want to make their point heard without the need for a violent uprising. More power to em. It is a shame however that their messages will be lost in the orgy of chaos that will happen tomorrow.

Yet at the same time I do have sympathy for rioters. Shit Id be tempted to stick a few bicks through Mc Dondalds or burn a bank to the ground. My good freinds the pigs will no doubt be out there along with the Daily Mail reporters. Yes I can see Thursdays headlines already.

"Anarchist Terrorists, More Evil Than Bin Laden?"

The daily mail make me laugh.

I hope the day goes peacefully and the protesters voices get heard in the true nature of democracy. I support alot of things that they will be saying on the streets tomorrow.

Remeber, the police have no right to take your photo or any details from you. Unless you get nicked. Then say shit till you get a lawyer.
Blaggard [10:35 PM]

[ Sunday, April 28, 2002 ]

It has been a good weekend. Not as much drinking as I would normally par take in but it was chilled and relaxed. Cept last night where I got a bit hideous but nothing serious.

Yes Friday I went to check out the University where hopefully I will spending the next few years of my life. It was a very nice place. Packed to the brim with facilities and the accomadation wasnt in too bad a shape. I liked the place. Due to my high speed driving I also arrived there early which gave me chance to check out the town. There was Wetherspoons built into a train station so I went in there for a while and supped on a Bud. After drinking I would like to add that I did not drive again for several hours, I only had one.

After that we did another high speed burn back home and hit Spoons at around 8:30. Then realising I hadent eaten anything more than a bag of crisps in over 24hrs I decided sod the ultra drinking I had planned and have a meal. Lamb burger, with fries and onion rings. With a couple of pints on the side. Yes it was relaxing.

Last however I was locked into the heavy drinking. Just a small crowd last night. Me, Dave, Snead and Bill. Ears turned up for 5mins before heading out to pick his bird up. Then later ole Rob turned up with his girlfreind and they joined us for the rest of the night. By the time they got there I was drunk.
Daves mom was also in there, she has recently got engaged so a few of us went and said hello. The rest was heavy conversation and laughing at some crazy guy with a big beard. Butcombe Gold is a pleasent brew I discovered last night. Nice taste and a reasonable strength. It worked well on me anyway.

Anyway now its time to load myself up with lots and lots of vitamins. Gobble some oranges. Yes, that should do the trick.
Blaggard [10:24 AM]

[ Thursday, April 25, 2002 ]

Ah it has been a swine of a day. Pointless, frustrating and yet very very tedious.

I thought as lunchtime came Id be in for a little relaxment. Sit back in the sun with a bottle of beer.

"You have to be 21 to buy beer in here"

Why damn it. Last I checked the legal age was 18. Those dozy cunts.

But its done now, this day is over and as dead as MC Hammers music career. Tomorrow will see my lazy ass getting dragged down to Wales to check out the University Ive applied for. Early start, late return. Which of course means less freak out time down spoons tomorrow night. I am annoyed about that mainly because this week as been fairly shite.

Well least I dont have to go to college tomorrow. Im hungry, I wonder what cat tastes like.
Blaggard [9:42 PM]

[ Tuesday, April 23, 2002 ]


The Nazis are on the rise again. Im sure we have all heard this scary news out of France about the Fronter getting through to round 2. Fuck me. But my anger is soothed slightly by the mass protests currently going on over there. Excellent. Ah no one thought that Nazi pig fucker could do it, then again no one ever thought Hitler would make it either back in the early years of his rise to Tyranny. That fuck best not get in power, I doubt he will to be honest. Even if he did its not like he would be around long, the hard right is not a welcome thing. He would be shot.

Anyway enough of this grim business today is a fine day. The sun is shining it is a brilliant day. Hell yes. Nothing like sitting back on a sunny afternoon sippin on a cold screwdriver. It dont get much better than this.
Blaggard [2:36 PM]

[ Saturday, April 20, 2002 ]

This morning I am in a great deal of agony. Hungover as you would no doubt guess. Last night however was worth it, it was one of those really good nights that shine forth as an example of how fun going down the pub and getting hideously drunk can be.

We went down the ole Wetherspoons of course and sat in the beer garden because for once it was warm. The beers were drank like no tomorrow and a few people who I used to go to high school with turned up. Yes we talked, laughed and I personally got very drunk.

In the end we decided to move on to that shit pit of a place they know as Porters Ale House. Yes it has been a while since we have dealt with the insane violence of that place but on this evening we thought we would go back and get down with the violence. The place was pretty quiet they probably had been host to another beating again that night. Whenever violence goes down in the that place half the pub empties out, people just lose their bottle. We however sat around and drank more lagers. Someone even bought me a drink! I was pretty screwed and I think everyone there realised that. I remember at one point I went into the ole toilet where someone recognised me. They said hello and I started dancing, they started laughing. Yes, I was King Hell Drunk. Infact I still feel a bit under the influence right now. I got a message when I got home:

"Have you been sick yet?"

Yes I was in a dark boozehole last night. I made an insane mess of the house as well, I covered my room in water.

It seems like the same is in order for tonight. Although due to my poor performance in a mock economics exam this week I think I will have to spend a good deal of either day or tomorrow disecting my paper and trying the exam again.
Blaggard [8:40 AM]

[ Wednesday, April 17, 2002 ]

It is that time of year again in the UK when the ole government pig bastards give forth their budget for the forthcoming year. This year they are having a big freak out about improving the old National Health, none of that American "rich people can afford to be healthy" bollocks for us!.

But of course as a terminal alcoholic things like the NHS dont concern for the moment. Here are the most important items:

- Beer, wines and spirts - Tax will be frozen w00t!
- Small/local brewers get a tax reduction - Excellent, cheaper ales.
- Smokes are up 8p a pack - Fuck. This anit too bad though as it is only inline with inflation. 10 pack will therefore now costs me £2.12.

Hey kids let the good times of economic stability role. Im not sure about the long term effects of this budget yet as I havent had a close look at it.

Also an interesting fact is that the day before the budget sees the higher smoke sales than any other day of the year.

Blaggard [5:45 PM]

[ Thursday, April 11, 2002 ]

There has been a large amount of financial calculations performed today on how much it is going to cost me for University. Portsmouth would carve at least an extra £600 into my yearly costs. This could be as high as a further £1000 depending on which hall.
Abersywth on the other hand is different. It is cheap.

It could well be that this thing all boils down to where is the cheapest. I do also have the additional option of a term or so in America if I wanted to take it.

I only have a few days left to decide. I need to make the decision before I go to see Aber as well. Ah curse my indecisiveness I should have gone and seen them months ago. Well its too late for that now. Have to make do with what information I have and get the form filled in.

Blaggard [11:53 PM]

[ Wednesday, April 10, 2002 ]

Ah it has been an interesting day. I finally decided to head out and see one of the universities that I had applied for. This one was in Portsmouth. I gotta say it was wasnt a bad place, the town itself is pretty sweet as well. Everything is within about 5 minutes of the halls. Right time for a little summary of good and bad points about it:


- Loads and loads of bars and clubs.
- Modern buildings.
- Everything is close.


- Is a long fucking way from here. Well you see I suppose this could be a good thing. Is about a 3.5 hr hard burn in the car without a break.
- Dont know anyone there. Suppose it is easily recitfied with a bottle of good whiskey and a few high class smokes.

Yeah, it was a nice place but there is still other things to do before the finally deadline, which is April 26th. I will have to post the form by the 20th. That leaves 10 days to see Aberyswth university. Their open day isnt till the 26th which is a swine. So I gots to make an action plan here. I will phone them and see if it is possibly to go at another time, next Friday maybe. Or, go down there next weekend and look around the town and base my judgement on that. All in all I probably should of gone with the Fishmonster when he went the other week. I hope they are not on a break at the moment.
Blaggard [11:01 PM]

[ Tuesday, April 09, 2002 ]

Monday night is definatly not a night a known for drunken idiocy, not for your average person. But for us it is has long been a night of drunken madness and lunacy. Infact last year I once made the statement:

"Monday night is the new Saturday night"

Yes we were serious about this Monday night thing. Mainly due to the fact that at them time we were all underage and the only place we knew that would serve us only opened its doors to everyone on Monday nights. It was a live music place. I remember the first time I went there when I was 16, it was half decent then. Over the next year it degraded, until we eventually gave up on Monday nights.

But now we are 18 and legally can drink the booze. The local J D Wetherspoons a favourite pub of mine does a special offer on Monday nights, 99p a pint. As we are on a break from college me and Mo whipped up a crowd and we went drinking.

It was calm and it was relaxed. I drank many pints and was soon back into the Monday night spirit of old. Yes it was relaxing night. Cold beer, pack of good smokes and a bowl of onion rings. Clowe not known for his heavy drinking was getting well into the spirit of things. We all were.

I tried to show off the smuggling pocket I added to my jacket to get my drink past bouncers. Unfortunatly I ended up spilling my drink all over me.
Some people who went to our high school were there, Cathrine and Jackie. Clowe was drunk and I think people were trying to set him up with them. These things always end up with someone getting angry or embaressed.

Me and Ears decided to get some chinese food. He phoned them up, they were about to close but agreed to stay open for us. We drank down the last drinks fast and headed out into the night. There was me, Ears, Snead, Clowe and Fuckup Jones in the car. Ears was driving, he hadnt been drinking. We got to the chinese. Me and ears went in:

"Sorry we took or so long" I said something to that affect.
"Its ok, I didnt know it was you"
"Oh right"

What she meant by that I dont rightly know, we are probably getting a reputation for ourselves. Hopefully she didnt remember that incident where we almost smashed the doors in, that was a long time ago and Ive been back there since then. Ears was getting the Fear;

"I should of dropped Jones off first, I bet he is fucking up"

Sure enough shouting and screaming came from the car. We waited till our food was bagged up, we paid and then went to see the madness.

Stepped outside and saw Clowe:

"Clowe you cunt what are...." I stopped mid sentence.

I noticed the pigs were there. I tried to guage the situation, what had these fools done, what was going to come next.
It turns out the pigs were in no mood to take us anywhere, it appeared they were just been noisy, it was Monday night and pretty late. They dont get this sort of thing of Mondays much.

"You lads goin to be sensible"

Ears: "Yeah, we are goin to be sensible"

They drove off. We got in the car.
"Clowe what the hell were you doin to get the police on you"
"Nothing, I just kicked Jones in the face"
"You ass Clowe"

We went home. Ears break lights werent working correctly so we messed with that a bit.
Came in, ate my chinese and stuck Tubular bells on.

Blaggard [10:24 AM]

[ Monday, April 08, 2002 ]

Soemtime this week I am definatly going to have a BBQ. The weather is too good not to have one. Get in touch with my grans butcher friend over in West Bromich and get him to make me up one of his special BBQ packs he does. Its some good eatin kids. There about 4 different kinds of sausage in it. Yes this weather definatly calls for one. After checking news reports it looks like Thursday is going to be the best weatherwise this week. Hopefully someone else will organize one. Last time I had a BBQ my garage was almost ignited due to some fools playing with fire.

Sounds like a plan. Ring up a few cronies and get these plans discussed down spoons tonight. It is beer garden weather.

I also found out what happened to Fuckup Jones at the college party. He never knew we left so carried on right till 3am. Apparently he was the very last person to leave the nightclub, the bouncers had to drag him out the door. His memory is sketchy but I would imagine from past expirence he made them chase him around. Infact I would imagine he did everything possible to prevent himself been thrown out, he probably thought the party was still at full swing. He then got in a taxi with a load of other people who were heading his way.
Blaggard [1:19 PM]

[ Thursday, April 04, 2002 ]

I am hopelessly hungover. Although not as hungover as I could be due to various things but lets get into this tale.

We started the night off at Bills and had a few good drinks, Fuckup being the fuckup he is decided to bring a bottle of vodka with him. He had half of this bottle before we left. Anyway we went there by two different methods, some went with Bills sister and some went with the Mudie. I was in Mudies car. We decided to have a swift pint in the Tenth Lock before we went there. I was already starting to feel drunk, having had around 6 pints.

We carried on down to Eclipse where due to the fact we had tickets we were aloud to go straight into the club and miss out the long line. This amused me greatly. We walked through the door, Fish and Fuckup were walking past. Fuckup was hopelessly fucked, he finished off his bottle of vodka already and was still drinking very hard. We proped the bar for a while and I have a couple of Buds.

I went to the toilets were some alarm was going off, I also bumped into someone who used to go my school. He had lost an eye in a bar brawl in that hole they know as Porters.

Due to that damned alarm, which turned out to be a fire alarm, they made everyone leave the club. As you can imagine both we and nightclub owners werent happy about this as we were losing drinking time and they this was giving them a bad image. Im surprised it went as calm as it did, a few people got a bit irate and just left we on the other hand didnt mind. Mudie went and got his car and cranked the tunes up loud, we were told up the owners of the pub next to us to turn it down, but we ignored them. We were talking to some chaps who turned up, later mudie reversed into his car, luckily there was no damage. Some women threw a glass bottle out of their car window as they were driving past and it smashed off my foot.

A few minutes later the car came back again and parked up. I went over to hurl some abuse just for the hell of it, it didnt really bother me as it hadent hurt me. Some drunk chaps were trying to chat up the girls in the car.

"One of you lot hit me with a glass bottle"

I think I managed to get a quite threatning tone. I repeated it. One of the chaps thought I was been heavily serious, so I played along with it

"Its a car full of girls m8"
"Yea, but one of them hit me with their bottle"

At this point he tried to calm me down. It got boring so I just told the truth and said I wasnt goin to do anything and was just going to scare them a bit for throwing the bottle. He seemed releived by this, he then wondered off to join his freinds.

Not long after that funny affair we were let back in the club. It was about midnight now I think.
The club decided as a way to say sorry for what had happened, although it was not their fault, gave us an extra hours dancing time. All things being equal I would drather have had another drink.

I started to feel more than a little sick at about 12:30, 12:45 so I stopped drinking. The horrible nausea never left me for the rest of the night so I had nothing more to drink. What did I care though, I was pissed up. So then I talked to people, gave some chap romantic advice which basically boiled down to, go bone that bird. He heeded my words and went after her.

I lost everyone so went wondering round for a bit, went for a piss. I saw Ears by one of the bars then Mudie up on the balcony. We went and joined them at which point I did some crazy dancing. I looked like a fool, there is no doubt about it, but I enjoyed it. Mudie stuck me on one of the podiums were I carried on. Fuckup turned up then after not seeing him since the start. He almost fell off the balcony, loads of people grabbed him. The bouncer gives him and earful so he almost does it again. The bouncer made him move.

We went down onto the main dance floor, Ears was at the side doing some ho. We danced in the middle but I was gettin ultra tired. At about 2:15 we decided to call it quits. The bouncer told us to watch Fuckup as he would he kicked out if he werent careful. We didnt care about this as we were leaving, Ill find out what happened to him another day.

We left, Ears being very drunk tried to get his coat of the cloak room, although it was in Mudies car. We got in the car as well as two birds Ears wanted to take with us. They were both 15. The whole jounrey consisted of us insulting them for being 15, Ears was ultra fuckered.

I got home around 2:45, still feeling very very sick. I crashed out for the the night.
Blaggard [11:00 AM]

[ Wednesday, April 03, 2002 ]

The college party is almost upon me now, down to the last few hours before I head off into the night for what will no doubt be a few hours of hilarious depravity and watching Fuckup Jones vomit all over the place.

It is afterall a good day for it. Unusually warm for this country, the only sensible option was to sit back and have a nice frosty Kronenburg. Yes, a little bit of relaxation before the madness is definatly the order of the day. Im gonna go and eat some food and check the kit bag.

Hope you all have a good night.
Blaggard [5:09 PM]

[ Tuesday, April 02, 2002 ]

Monday night saw the return of our merry gang to that filth pit known as the Rock Cafe. We used to drink heavily in this place back when we were underaged scaliwaggs. The place changed in many ways.

It still had the high level of kids except now it was more extreme. The average person in there was 14 and there were ones who were no more than 12. They had definatly lowered themselves to new levels. Beer was worse than it used to be and the had jacked the price up. Needless to say we didnt stick around long. Bill heckled the bands and screamed some abuse at all the kids. Which is always funny.

In the end we went off up a weatherspoons pub. It was too crammed and I was sober, not the best of nights.

We left, me and mudie went and got some chips before meeting everyone else back at Bills house. At which point we proceeded to drink nearly all his booze and watch American Pie 2. The film wasnt that bad, although highly predictable.

The rock cafe is definatly a place I wont be going back to a hurry. It is a boozehole of the past and that is were it should stay.
Tomorrow night however is the college party. Im expecting big things from this shit. An early start Bills house before Mudie drives us on up to the club. Crack out of the mescaline, lets have a party.
Blaggard [6:50 PM]