The Boozehound

[ Wednesday, May 29, 2002 ]

Its been a slow few days. The majority of it has been taken up with revision. I intent to pass these forthcoming exams and pass them well, otherwise Im going to have to stick around this shite hole of town for at least another year. Something I dont even want to contemplate.

We went to see Star Wars and saturday night. It was wikkid. Hehe, was worth the entrance fee just to see Yoda jump around with the fuckin lightsabre.

Have done nothing else of note, till yesterday. Yesterday was a strangely odd day. I was sitting here doing a bit of computing revision I think, finding out what an entity arribute relationship thing was. (Ah, E-R diagrams are fun arent they). When at about 2:30 some fool rang the door bell.

"Ah its those little cunts from next door, they kicked the ball over the damned fence again"

It was however Mudie.

"Wanna come down the pub, Im hungry"
"Yea ok, im tired of this revisin bollocks"

He had MattJ in his car as well. So we went down spoons. Mudie had a balti and I had a pint.
Jordan turned up as well, he was going in for his lunchtime pint or somethin like that.

We sat and talked, Ears and Clair also came down.
Anyway things went downhill very fast. Mudie had to leave, his time of the car park was up, he said hed give me a lift back. We went into the car park.

"I dont remember there been all those wires in there" I thought as we approached his car.

Mudie was ahead. Suddenly he freaked out and started yelling. Some cunt had stolen his car radio. He phoned the pigs. The swines had trashed the lock and ripped the tape player out. But we were then shown that criminals really are stupid. Especially the heroin riddled cunts around here. They made of with his stero, worth about £90. But however they missed his £300 jukebox, you know those mp3 players. His bag which had money in it, and a big pile of CD's.

So anyway. I think I have a good idea of those responsible. As we drove into the car park there a bunch of 14 or so year old kids hiding behind a pillar. They had been playin football but as they saw they went and hid. Id stick my bets on those fucks. Unfortunatly I cant remember what they looked like. If we had gone crusing round the flat blocks we probably would have found them. Them heroin junkies and sneaky fucks though, they probably took the radio straight to a dealer to get a fix. The dealer would probably go crazy and take a few shots at us. Maybe a bit extreme there but they are sneaky fucks.

Ive actaully been tempted with the idea of running an ad in the local paper, offering a bounty on anyone who catches them. We probably never would but it would give the those cunts the bad shakes.


Those swines who robbed Mudies car.


3 hits of the finest scag.

Theyd kill their own mother for a hit. Theyd certainly grass up a car theif. Ah but that is idle madness.
Theyd never let me run the ad.
Blaggard [10:41 AM]

[ Saturday, May 25, 2002 ]

It is over. It is dealt with. It is done. College is now finished for good. We tried to go out with a little bit of style and class. At least I did.

I got there earlier than I needed to be, to take a few photos and say goodbye to the ole smoking shed. Ah the hours I whiled away in that shed. I sat down there and had a few smokes. Talked to a few people who were down there. Went to my last physics lesson with that contempable swine Dave Alan. Physics was too hard for me. Still got the exams to go though.

Anyway, after that I went off to find out about that key skills. I didnt need to do anymore to it, which really made me happy. So then there was only one thing left that we could possibly do. Hit the boozers.

The majority of the college went down to the ole Hogshead. The scene of my drunken downfall many a times. I made a promise to myself. No fucking Gothic ale. I still had one lesson to go. If I had some of that dark brew Id just be sitting there calling everyone a fucking little cunt for the entire thing. Anyway, we got there and the place hadent opened. There were 60 or 70 people just standing outside the doors all itching to get into that drink. When they opened that door they got a surprise and a half. We all charged in, the place was instantly packed. Luckily they had stopped doing Gothic, they probably had enough of me cursing loudly at everyone in the pub. Nearly most the day was spent in there, breifly going back to pick up college party tickets.

Economics, the very last lesson was hilarious. The majority of the class was either complety fucked or well on the way to been there. There was fighting, food throwing, lots of cussin. A bottle was been passed around that was full of vodka and coke. It was feindish. In the end she kicked half the class out and told them to go back to the pub. But the rest of us just about managed to keep it togeather.

We left. Ear's drove over my foot. He was driving round the college and the principle clocked him. We made a high speed exit before he nabbed us though. Which was nice.

Hit spoons around 7 and me n Clowe did a purple haze. It was sweet. Quite a bizzare taste, you had the hotness of the red aftershock mixed with the coolness of the blue. Yes. So then we all sat around spoons and got drunk. We moved onto The Nelson, The Hasbury Inn and then finally to the Hare and Hounds. Although the Hare and Hounds is a bit shite.

Not much really happend in these places. We got drunk and I said "cunts" a lot.

Then to finish off we went for a balti. As we were heading down there Clair jumped on Bills back sending him flying and cutting his head up of the floor. It looked nasty. She was really upset about it although Bill seemed pretty indifferent.

I knew what was going to happen in this balti house. A mickery of xmas when we did the same thing, a hideous violent and Fearful affair that would leave me cowering in the corner praying for sanity or at least that the cops werent called. I wasnt disapointed. As soon as we got in there Fuckup was all over the place throwing things around. When the chap had a crack at him he calmed down a bit. Eventually they took us to a table, after making us pay in advance of course. Fuckup was been a greasey fucker and trying it on with Clair. The table was a bad idea as Fuckup now had a knives and other implements of pokery. I went and hid in the toilet for a bit. Fuckup kept going and asking where his food was. Clowe was pretty far gone as well. When the food came Fuckup was still freaking out and if I remember correctly threw a knife, or something like it, at some chap. Yes I was a cowering wreck in the corner. I ate some of my Balti and about half way through it I began to feel extremly sick. I just picked at it for a few minutes. Clowe finished his and I decided to leave, Clowe came along as well. Fuckup was freaking me out too much, it was only a matter of time till he went really crazy.

Me and Clowe left everyone in there and headed home. Clowe was also freaked by the actions of Fuckup. Well they dont call him Fuckup for nothing. I dont know what else he did in there. I was hidesouly drunk and cant overly remember myself everything that happened in there. Im glad of that as well. Ill no doubt find out later as Im off to see Star Wars. It is meant to be a pretty sweet film. We shall see.

It was a good last day and I took lots of photos. Ill finish the film off on the forthcoming college party, it is on June 5th at the usual joint. It will the very last one. Fuckup says he is intent on fucking up in his unique Fuckup Jones style.

Blaggard [10:38 AM]

[ Thursday, May 23, 2002 ]

This fuckin sucks.

Today is the penultimate day before I leave college. Instead of chilling and talking to people I may never see again do you know what the fuck I was doing?

Working like a fucking bastard. It would appear some work I handed in last summer which they told me was fine and would pass with great ease is actaully completly wrong. They only looked at them yesterday to make sure everything was there. So now I have to suffer because that dick Dave Westwood fucked up. Your damn straight I am angry. I ended up finishing about 3:50, an hour after I should of finished. What sucks is the chap resonsible for deciding upon the works grade wasnt in college today. Which means if its still not right I might have to spend my final day of college working crazily to get it done.

That sucks the big one. Luckily I got no lessons after 11 till about 2:40. Which is sweet, its not like I havent got the time its just that it is my very last day of college. I want to be saying goodbye to everyone and taking lots of photos. I usually dont have to be there until 10 tomorrow, I think ill go in early and enjoy the last day as much as possible. The chap who helped me to get it done says he thinks it should pass now, if it doesnt it is only going to be a few small points that shouldent take long to rectify. He hopes.

Even if the day does balls the fuck up there is tomorrow night. Yes sir I am looking forward to that shit. Im doin a pub crawl with a load of the college lads and lasses. Right round the corner from me as well. Do a few Purple Hazes, smoke some grass and down some pints. Shit I might even get a balti. Yes tomorrow is all about freaking the fuck out.
Blaggard [5:48 PM]

[ Tuesday, May 21, 2002 ]

Another tip to being a Fuckup:

-Attacking your freinds with a broken glass bottle only serves to further consolidate your freindship.
Blaggard [8:03 PM]

[ Monday, May 20, 2002 ]

The BBQ yesterday rocked. Thats all that needs to be said about it. I got drunk, talked bollocks for hours on end and ate a few burgers.

Fuckup Jones has started to write his book :"How to be a Fuckup". Some good points are joted down in a bullet point fashion. By the end of the summer I expect it will be a large tome. Below follows a few tips on how you to can be more like Fuckup Jones.

- Always carry a quart of grants vodka on you. It must be grants vodka, it is afterall the exciting vodka.
- If anyone asks you were youve been always reply "Ive just come from spoons".
- The best way to thank someone for inviting you to their party is to vomit all over their house.
- Always put your hands behind your head and move your pelvis in a circular fashion while pissing. Wedge your vodka in the toilet roll holder at this point.
- Only go after fat birds. Its ok cause your always pissed.
- Cars only have one purpose. To jump on.
- Sitting on a stool and staring at women is the best way to pull. If someone asks what the hell your doing reply "Just playing on the gambler" It doesnt matter if your nowhere near a gambling machine.
- 16 year old women? Perform pelvic thrusts and say in a dirty bastard voice "I fucked her".

More will come.

In other news the college party guy Neil has outdone his duties and organized one more college party. A final hit so to speak. It will go down on June 5th in Eclipse. Ill be there, and no doubt Fuckup Jones will be there with a quart of grants. You know Im really gonna miss college, it finishes on Friday then just the exams to go.
Blaggard [9:16 PM]

[ Sunday, May 19, 2002 ]

Well this week has been pretty quiet. Too damned quiet.

Friday night I went to spoons as usual where nothing much happened accept I realised I now must be considered a "regular". Even the crazy fucker with the beard talks to us now. Shit the bouncer holds conversations with us.

But nothing really happened. The same as last night. Everyone was either been a borin cunt and staying in to watch TV or shaggin. So in the end me and Mo went out for a couple of beers. Do anything is better than staying in on a Saturday night. Went to the Harvester where Clowe works. Went to the Rose and Crown. Bought a kebab and chips. Nothing to overly exciting.

Today however I am going to a BBQ later. Which hence means Im gonna do lots of work this mornin.
Blaggard [10:06 AM]

[ Monday, May 13, 2002 ]

On Saturday we all went into Birmingham centre to hit the clubs, for young Ear's 18th.

I did write a lengthy account of the evening. It has been a while since Ive done such things Ive been trying to get back into my Gonzo style. I did a long writing about my trip to Tenerife which I never published. I do intend to do it one day. If you scour the internet you might find it, Ive been planning to submit it to be reviewed by people so I could get some comments on it. Yes, I was quite proud of that peice. The account of Saturday night pales in significance yet I dont think Ill publish it. There was too much waffle. So instead here are the key things:

- The bus journey there. On a bus with a rugby team. One of the funneist things Ive expirenced in a long time.
- Being drunk and singing in the Sports Cafe.
- Running at full pelt down Broad street.
- Getting felt up by a 35 year old woman.
- Finally of course, being drunk as a bastard.

Yes. It was a good night all round. Ill probably change my mind and publish the full account another time. Ive got some pictures from the night which I was going to post but the place that hosts my pictures isnt accepting my password.

Blaggard [10:10 PM]

[ Tuesday, May 07, 2002 ]

Madness. Madness with a BBQ.

Yesterday in the usual fashion I got myself hideously twisted. We went round the Fishmonsters house for a BBQ and to swim around in his pool. A good ole drunken time was had by all. It started slow but by the end of the day we had nearly all worked ourselves up into some kind of hideous booze frenzy.
The afternoon was quiet, swam, ate a few burgers and supped away quite casually on the lagers. It was all good. Our numbers grew and up about 4 we had a pretty big gathering. There was I, bill, mo, Fish, Snead, Ears, Claire, MattP and Clowe. Clowe was rippin heavy in the ciders and playing with Fishs dog. You should heard the damn thing screech.
Anyway, it came to a point where we had to leave Fishs house. I offered my Garage as the next available venue. We headed off in two groups. The first group with me had to get back and set the Garage up. I went in the Maypole on the way. Snead and Claire were with me.
As I walked through the door it struck me that everyone in the pub was hideously drunk, they could barely talk. It was only around 6. I didnt quite know how to play this one. I slowly walked towards the bar and placed £10 on the counter.

"Just a JD please"

I did my shot. The other two had bought a double vodka each.

"Same again please m8"
"Sorry, we got no JD left"
"Do you have any other whiskies"

We left and got back to my house quick. Everyone turned up a few minutes later and we hit the drink hard. I got my bottle of gin out and passed it round.
Things progressed. Clowe got dangerously drunk, so did Snead and Claire for that matter. I was well past the line of reason. So far passed it infact I forgot where the line was to begin with.

Me and Clowe went to the Chinese later. After Clowe finished kissing my cat.

"Ah, just two portions of chips tonight"

"Weve not had much trade tonight I thought it would stronger on a bank holiday, I guess everyone is been sensible cause of work tomorrow"
"Hehe. Yeah. Ive gotta be up at 6:30 myself. Its just that Im not sensible"

The last I saw of Clowe he was ambling into The Foxhunt. The place where he works. Pissed as they come, swaggerin round with a bad of chips.
A ugly scene was almost certain. I didnt want to be around when that one happened. I went home, ate some of my chips. Went to bed.

I awoke at about 4am.

A few seconds passed.
"Oh bollocks".

Calmly went into the bathroom and vomited like a bastard. I tell you I felt much better for it. Also it killed the serious hangover that would of otherwise ensured.
By 1pm I was back in the pub to celebrate Ear's 18th. I just had a swift one and then came home. Work needed to be done. Snead also spent most of the night been sick, I didnt even see Clowe today but I can only presume the worst. As far as I know Ears is still drinkin like crazy in a Whetherspoons somewhere. Or gettin laid.

Now time to do some more work.
Blaggard [7:55 PM]

[ Saturday, May 04, 2002 ]

Ah last night was funny.

While walking down to the pub, through the bus station, I was approached by a group of 14 year olds. Only one of em came over to me at first.

"Will you buy me some beer?"
"Nah, sorry"

So then the chaps in the group started shouting at me. I was almost burst out laughing in the stupid cunts face. Here we had a 14 year old white kid, thinking he was a 20 something bad boy yardie from down south.

"Well fuck you then, bitch"

Hehe. Its probably good I didnt laugh in his face as he did have a large group with him. A heavy beating was in ensured.

Yeah well I got to the pub and got hideously drunk. Now im eating some limes, I need a bigger knife to cut the bastards up though.
Shit, I almost forgot about the local election results. The conservatives won it in my district. We are all doomed there is no doubt about, two years of jackbooting and fear. The pigs were already out in force patroling last night. Conservatives dont fuck around when it comes to police states. Hopefully though I will survive this madness. It could afterall be much worse. Thankfully there were no BNP candidates standing around my area. Which im surprised about, there are alot of asylum seekers housed in my area. If they had got in, I dread to think what we be happening. Theyd probably erect a gallows in the town centre. At least the tories arent that bad, not yet anyway. Given the chance though who knows what things theyll get up to.

What really matters in the end though is that people went to the polls and made their voice heard in the democratic way. I threw my lot in with the losers but it doesnt matter, they stood for what I beileved in.

Crap, Ive run out of limes.
Blaggard [9:47 AM]

[ Thursday, May 02, 2002 ]

Ah votin is done and dealt with.

Nothing like excercising yer democratic right. So who I did I throw my lot in with?

Not the Conservative party I can tell you, shit, you might as well vote for the BNP if you vote for them. I didnt vote labour either, they are nothing but a bunch of lying, cheating swines who would drather suck George Bushs cock than help the people. However I did not go all extreme and vote for some bizzaire ultra-left communist party that would make Stalin look like Ghandi. Frankly there wasnt such a party standing in this area.

I cast my vote for the Liberal Democrats. They wont get in, I know this. Where I live in "the" Labour stronghold of the country. But I dont care damn it. I wouldent be able to sleep at night if I hadent used this chance to try and change the system a bit.

In the end may the best candidate win. Unless its the Conservatives. Even Labour are better than those evil swines.

My predictions about the Daily Mail werent far off either. They did go on a massive anti-anarchist hate stomp. Shit, Ive heard some of the pigs even enjoyed the protests. Good to see they do have a human side to them. It would have been nice to have been there enjoying the atmosphere. Quite carnivelesque from what I gather.

Blaggard [5:49 PM]