The Boozehound

[ Tuesday, July 30, 2002 ]

Went to spoons last night, it was cheap beer night.

Was an interesting night. I listened to a conversation between two barstaff.

staff1: Dont serve that guy in the yellow shirt at table 20 anymore
staff2: Why not?
staff1: Well when he was gettin his wallet out at the bar he pulled out a big pack of weed as well. I dont really care about that but then he went over the road for a "cigerette". We cant serve people under the influence of drugs.
staff2: Ok.

Not much else happened. Until Fuckup fucked up again. He was mixing half pints of lager with bottles of smirnoff ice. Then downing them. He did three of these, after a few pints already. When I was in the toilet he threw up all over the floor, luckily we were outside but then it was a quick dash out of there. Then to Porters where there were all of about 6 people. Most of them kids as well.

So thats about it. Tomorrow is Nelsons birthday, that should be a good night. For once it doesnt revolve around getting drunk, cinemas then of to a balti house. I havent been to a balti house in ages. Infact last time I went to one was the last day of college. That was a scary expirence.

Blaggard [10:21 PM]

[ Sunday, July 28, 2002 ]

Take a read of this

Yes, they finally set that ban up. Fuckup has already been collared by the Pigs but he simply downed his drink why he was talking to them. So then it was a case of:

"What alcohol officer? This is an empty bottle, you have no evidence. It will never stand up in court"

Some one else was telling me they had been had by them as well. It was openly broken by us on Friday night. A load of old people gave us dirty looks, infact they will probably write some extreme-right hate rant about the youth of today into the local paper. Of course they would never have had the guts to tell us what they think to our face. I loudly voiced my opinions on how futile this new law was, they heard me loud and clear.
Blaggard [11:47 AM]

[ Saturday, July 27, 2002 ]


Last night was fun. I got drunk, Fuckup fucked up and Bill threw up. Yes it was good to get back into things. We went to the Picturehouse place. . Previous to entry Bill coated most of the road with the contents of his stomach.

The night started like they all do, Spoons. Decided to move up to the Hogshead. Fuckup was pissed. In the bus station he decided to appriate thing to do would be to bad mouth a couple of Wideboys throwing a can of carling round. They were screaming some shite as they pulled off in their car. It appears they have now actually set up the "alcohol free zone" around the area. To the disaproving glare of some old people the law was openly and deliberatly broken.

Fuckup tried to smash his bottle of the metal bars in the bus, he failed. So he threatened me with it. He was only joking though, as he usualy is but most people dont seem to understand this and clobber him. We convinced him not to smash the bottle in the bus, it was hassle we didnt need. They have cameras on these things, they could prove we were involved.

Even when we got to the bus station he failed to smash it, launching it a bush. He then started poking some kind of vent. Yes Fuckup was fucking up and it was 10pm. In the 100m thorugh the underpass he managed to freak out a grebo kid. I stepped in and apoligised for his action. Jones started throwing a shopping trolley which scared some 10 year old kids behind us, me and Mo waved them through but Fuckup chased them out the underpass and down the high street. Poor kids.

We stayed in the Hogshead for a while. It was with little incident, except when Fuckup tried to launch himself at a pig who was going down the underpass. He also walked into some fast food place to get a job, he gave Ears details to them.

We went to the club, Bill was sick all over the road. The bouncers searched everyone. Hell they even went through my pack of cigarettes. Once inside it was more calm. It was a nice place inside, not at all what I expected.

At one point I went for a piss. There was a woman, about my age, crying in there. Someone had stolen her handbag, I told her to tell security. She said she thought she saw come into the toilets so I shouted over the cubicles.

"Anyone in their stolen a handbag?" Not very clever I suppose but it seemed like the thing to say at the time. One guy came out and said no. We kicked the other door in, there was no one in there. Some guy took her off, she was still crying. I went and drank some more beers.

Not much else happened but it was a good night. There was a good atmosphere.

We left and went to Rominos then to the taxi rank. Was only £7 back home, which is pretty cheap considering it was about 2am. So thats about what happened. We left Fuckup there again. He got lost in the club when I told him we were about to go. No idea how he got home yet.
Blaggard [10:37 AM]

[ Friday, July 26, 2002 ]

Ahh I was on top of the world last night for some reason. I had a control on things once again, yet I go to sleep and I feel frazzeled again. This sucks.

Anyway, I think its about time to get back in sync with things. Tonight Im heading out to a recently reopened nightclub in stourbridge called the picturehouse. I have an overwhelming sense that it is going to a bit of a shit pit. Mainly due to nearly all places there are shit pits, that doesnt however mean they are bad places to get fucked up in. They just arent very pleasent. I mean hell I drank in the RockCafe for 1.5 years and that was a dank pit, but I liked it.

Ah I had some crazy times in that place, but forget it. Its over now.

So we shall check out this picturehouse joint. I think Ill get tanked up in Spoons beforehand, just to be on the safe side.

Blaggard [10:04 AM]

[ Wednesday, July 24, 2002 ]

Its a horribly overcast day today, dank and miserable. Just like my mood these days. Doom and failure is all that appears to occupy my mind, feelings that The End is upon on me.

Ive done a rough draft of my CV today. Im not even at work yet and I hate it. I was going to go and sign on at a temping agency this morning but it never happened. Ill probably do it tomorrow, but tomorrow will soon turn into Friday and I wont bother. I have a good wedge that should last me the summer, except of course Ive been offered the chance to bum around Europe for a few weeks in September. Ill need cash for that, not much, a strictly on the cheap affair but I will need some.

I was just looking at the news as well, seems we are going to be hit by a big ole asteroid in 2019. Well that makes me happier with my lifestyle at least. Who cares how much I smoke and drink, my ass will be crushed in 2019.

Hell my mood is dark.
Blaggard [1:11 PM]

[ Tuesday, July 23, 2002 ]

My head is still all over the place. I cant understand it, maybe its best not to. Just hunker down and ride this grim ride out.

Job hunting isnt goin well. I phoned loads of places today and only one place had any kind of work available, unfortunatly that was the night shift which is kind of awkward. I hear some photo development shop is hiring, Ill probably phone them tomorrow.

I feel like a corperations bitch already and I havent even got hired.
A thousond curses on my current mental state.
Blaggard [6:34 PM]

[ Sunday, July 21, 2002 ]

It is good to talk to old friends. Its tragic how people lose contact with friends.

Sometimes all it takes is for them to say its gonna be alright to perk you up a bit. Maybe not get you to think that it is goin to be alright, Im a terminal pessimist, but it does help.

Things are getting werid round here. Im finally drying out after the holiday so Ill probably be posting some jibber jabber over the next few days.
Blaggard [10:52 PM]

[ Saturday, July 20, 2002 ]

Right then for some reason Blogger cunted up my last template and refused to load it anymore, so we have this one for now. I have got to smack all the photo links back on there at a later date.

The account of Tenerife is coming along nicely but will no doubt take me a very long time to complete, the last one took several months to write.

The thoughts have been turning to doom and failure lately. Unfortunatly I still cant shake that feeling of regret I have by coming home. Ive been occasionaly looking at flight prices and times, If I do this thing the time is definatly now. Ah if only that was the only reason for my doomstruck thoughts. As happened last time I appear to be still drinking alot. Hopefully Ill get the rest of the weekend off.

Went to a BBQ last night, it rained, so we grilled everything. That was a relaxing time. Until Fuckup Jones fucked up in the car on the way home. Clowe and Mo had to restrain him in the backseat, even when we finally managed to get him home he just ran off. He knows what he is doin, possibly.

So what now? What comes next? I have no idea what to do now. Any plans I make seem to drift back towards bar work in Tenerife. My good friend Neville is currently touring India, I envy that boy. Id like to do that. My plans always seem to fail and I constantly have the Pink Floyd song Time circling round in my head which isnt helping me at all.

Ive run out of caffine tabs. They appear to be my new addiction.

Blaggard [11:38 AM]

[ Thursday, July 18, 2002 ]

For some reason the last post fucked up.

I managed to still awake till about 20:30. At which point I was suffering from heavy fatigue. I couldent listen to any music without been on either the verge of tears or a terrifying rage. I started watching a james bond film but it freaked me out to much.

I slept for 13 hours.

So anyway then kids. Tenerife was a fantastic time and Ive already started work on the full account of it. I got my photos back today.

I also went job hunting. A local Harvester pub took my details, they said the boss wasnt in. I will have to see how it works out, that most likely means however "I dont like the look of you, you filthy ginger haired grebo"

Blaggard [6:15 PM]

[ Wednesday, July 17, 2002 ]

Im back from Tenerife. Drained and very tired.

With an awful feeling that one of the stupidest things I ever did was get on that plane to come back. The amount of jobs that were on offer for people like me was untrue.
Why the fuck did I get on that plane? I could still be out there enjoying the sun, sure working as well, but still out there. I mean what is really keeping me here? I tried to list 10 reasons why I should come back to this place. There wasnt really a single valid one I could think of.

I think I should probably get some sleep. Actually fuck it. Im going to gobble what is left of my pep pills and have a shower.

Viva life!
Blaggard [7:50 AM]

[ Tuesday, July 09, 2002 ]

Doom and failure. Im sorry to you all but I have not been able to complete my document of my excursion to Cheltenham. Ive been extremly busy with the impending trip to that island that is know as Tenerife. So look here I will have to cut this thing half way. Ill post the rough uncompleted draft of the event. It will give you something to chew on. When I go to events like that I like to write virtual tomes about my expirences. It shows how unorganised my rough drafts of such things are, the finished ones are pretty much unorganised as well.


This one is going to be a little different. Im reverting back to the original layout I did for the sun run 2000 report. It seem like the Right thing to do in this situation. If things get a little twisted and sound a little odd its because Im actually pretty wired right now. Im running on only a few hours sleep and a couple of cans of red bull.

Friday 5th July

6.00pm – 10pm. Weekend booking in at control. The leader in charge will book in the whole unit. Ensure they all the camp permission forms for all members of their unit and have completed the two part unit entry form. The leader will be issued with numbered arm bands which will then be issued to the whole unit. Replacements will be charged at 20p available from control, you must bring your old one with you. All armbands are to be on the right wrist, numbers readable from the fingertips.

I, infact all of us who partook in this weekend, do not like to rush ourselves when it comes to matters like this. Quite a few of the people had day jobs. Lets get the participants laid down for the record. Yes here we go:

Ø Ears
Ø Lane
Ø Patterson
Ø Samantha
Ø Amanda
Ø Carlus
Ø Ian
Ø Me (Rees)

We decided to meet at the hut at 6pm. I was late due to various factors, all boring and mostly due to The Crone. However lets have no more talk of The Crone. What am I talking about?

Yes. We had to meet at the hut to get all the equipment that would be required for this weekend. Tents, pegs, a gas cooker, cooking implements and some toilet roll. Carlus and Amanda were already there when I arrived. We started loading all the gear into the back of Carl’s hatchback. During the process Lane and Patterson arrived at separate intervals.

The rain started. It did little to dampen our spirits however, I think it was pretty safe to assume that we were all looking forward to this thing. Ear’s was late as he near enough always is. The rest of us were pretty much ready to go, we had to go and collect Sam, she had to work until 6.
Just as I dialled Ear’s to scream at him there was the sound of air horns in the distance.

“Ah, here he is now”

We stuck some more of the kit in the back of Ear’s car and hit in the road. The bass was thick and heavy as we tore around the road to collect Sam. I rode in Ear’s car, the bass box was working overtime. When we got there which was about 6:40 we had to wait while Sam got ready. Ear’s started playing with his car alarm. He had to have some maintenance work done to it to get it ready for the trip, it had affected the alarm. The car doesn’t really handle long distance high speed driving very well. Last time he tried it he almost destroyed the thing. Anyway, Im going off on pointless tangents. We sat around in the street for a bit before she turned up. Her kit was thrown in the back of the car and we headed off. A big block of traffic was reported so we took a back route to get on the motorway via different junction. I smoked a few cigarettes.
The next hour was one of high speed driving. As expected the car started to shake apart when we got up to the heavy speeds.

It was good to be back at the campsite, it had been two years. The tents were pitched into about 30mins. I was spurred on by Carls motivational speech.

“The quicker you do this the quicker you can get pissed”

8.30pm – 1.30am The Party – House DJ Rob D takes us through to Robbie Willians with his band and dancers! You can also test your stability by the bar on the Rodeo Bull. You must have an armband. As in previous years we will not be taking any money at the bar so you will have to purchase Bar Tickets from the can in the bar area at the rear of the Barn – note new location this year. Under licensing law it is illegal to take your own alcohol into the Barn area, which is licensed – this is from the steps downwards.

By 8:30 we were all kicking back with a drink in our hands and warming ourselves up for the party. Themed in the fashion of Ibiza Uncovered. I was looking forward to this. Just so I looked like a real geek I stuck on my Club 18-30 shirt, surprisingly some people though it was a good idea. Anyway, me and Patterson were getting serious about the drinking. After about half an hour we were three beers down. Carlus hadent eaten so we went and got a burger. Patterson was feeling generous and bought us all one. At which point we decided to get straight down into the Barn.

Now it is imperative, that I get this thing right. This party was excellent, getting the details wrong would be an insult to everything that it was. We walked in and there wasn’t really many people there. Guess what was on our minds though? That’s right, the booze.

As it said on the program a ticket system was in operation. I bought 16 tickets, good for five pints. The barn was split into two areas, outside where the bar was and inside where the music and the dancing was held. We spent the first part of the night outside getting drunk. When I acquired my pint I joined the others just by the entrance into the inside of the barn. We laughed and joked.

I met this grebo kid, who was a friend of Sams, called Jess. She was a bit of a weird fucker. Blonde with a spiked dog collar and pigtails. I spoke to her for a bit, she was pretty drunk. She said she was a sex addict, yet then told us that she had never had sex. Which I found a little confusing. We flirted a bit. But lets get something straight here, I never did anything but flirt. She was 15 and drunk.

I drank a shit load of beer.

We hit the dance floor. The place was full by this point I went crazy all over the place with the high speed moves. There were two girls on stage, twins I believe. Scantily clad and dancing away like crazy. I enjoyed watching it.

Later on in the night I was coming out of the toilets and Patterson was stumbling around with Jess. She came over to me and he sort of dragged himself into the toilet.

“Tell him to leave me alone, he is scaring me now”

She didn’t need to say anything else, I knew the degenerate pig had been up to his old tricks. Grim flashbacks of the previous event when we had fully launched himself at a girl and dragged her into the bushes.
Carl had appeared from somewhere and we agreed to keep him away. We shouted at Patterson. Well at least I think it was Patterson.
We got back into the dancing I was all over the place. Amanda started calling me Enrique. I danced with Jess. The bar stopped serving around 12, not that it overly mattered much, we were all currently drunk enough. Patterson lost his shirt.
I remember talking to a middle aged guy who was up at the front by the stage, he was watching the dancing girls.

“I tell you, it was worth my £15 just to watch these two”
(laugh) “Your right it was”

Event at around 1:30ish we were thrown out onto the camp site. We went and got another burger I think. Back to the tent to get some lagers, the plan was pretty much then to find a party. There were a few guys in the tent next to us around there. I got talking to them, they were 16, they never told me their names. They said they were just off to a party. Ears and Patterson had gone in drunken girls tent so I decided to tag along with these fellas.

It turned out to be a gathering of predominantly Welsh people. After a few welsh jokes, my attention wavered and I went back to the tent.

2am Quiet please – The success of the weekend depends on your co-operation.

Quiet? Quiet when we, well at least I, was that drunk. Its not likely and it didn’t occur. At 2am I will still drinking. I ended back with that group at the bottom, I had Amanda and maybe Sam with me. Not long after we got there the site security made us disperse.
I went and sat with Sam and Amanda in their tent. We talked about drunken gibberish for quite a while. Patterson and Ears turned up. Patterson fell asleep so he was thrown into our tent to sleep his hideously large amount of alcohol consumption off. About 3ish I went to bed. Ears returned before I got to sleep and phoned his girlfriend. I bet she wasn’t happy to get a call at 3:30 in the morning. I fell asleep around the same time.

Saturday6th July

8.15 – 9.30 am – Breakfast served from the catering marquee. You will need plate, KFS and tea towel for washing up.
I woke up around 8.30 with a bit of a jolt. There were a load of people screaming outside and it awakened me. Infact everyone woke up about that time. Patterson was still pissed and remembered very little of his antics. Especially his assault on Jess.

Started frying up some food. Patterson spent most of the time lying on the floor not moving.

K then. Thats all I have for now. Ive gotta finish packing my case and then its a high speed burn half way accross the country to catch a budget airline out of this stink pit. Frankly Im planning on getting pissed in the airport. I remember last time I was on a plane with a bunch of 18-30's. Im still not sure if high stakes poker is legal at a 1mile altitude. My body is going to take some hideous punishment this week. I reckon I will have constantly bile attacks by Sunday. Total collapse by Monday. Ill be back here on Wednesday, unless I fuckup. I hope I dont get in any trouble with the pigs this time. They dont fuck around.

Blaggard [10:38 AM]

[ Friday, July 05, 2002 ]

Last night we all went down the Rose and Crown. Before you jump to conclusions no I didnt get hideously pissed and no I am not hungover now. I just had a swift few halfs.

Anyway during the night I was talking to one of ARoger's friends. I think his name was Chris, although names arent really very important in this thing. He was asking me about what Uni I was going to. So I asked him if he was at university.

"Haha, I was, but Ive left now"
"How old are you then?"

Hehe. I liked this chap he was a good bloke, he has the sort of attitude and morals I hope I have when Im 27. He just doesnt care, he says he is the same now as when he was 18. I beileve him as well. He was a bit like Skelator in many respects ( a guy I met in Tenerife). Skelator was a fucking legend. The amount he drinks, well, it makes George Best look like a lightweight. It is good to know there are still a few of the heavy party goers and free spirits out there. I sometimes get the impression all people care about is work and getting money. Thats the furthest thing on my mind. It is as my plumber friend told me yesterday.

"Dont bother gettin a summer job. If you do only get a small one. Your 18, your going to be working your whole damn life. Why start now?"

Ive been wondering a lot lately if I will ever get my plans into action. So many things I want to do but already Im falling behind schedule. This year I intended to take a year out and go to Africa to do charity work. I did try to get it set up, the only places I could find wanted teachers, me and kids do not get a long. Anything else was working in nature reserves. I would have liked to have done that but I wasnt fit enough at the time. Although now Im still not at the level they wanted. Curses.

I need to get these things sorted. I need to do them before I become a mindless fucking 30 year old. Most people in the working population I know have, for all relavent purposes, been dead for the past 10 years. Thats no way to live life.

Wake. Serve. Sleep. Repeat until death and dont even question why.

Fuck that.
Blaggard [10:16 AM]

[ Thursday, July 04, 2002 ]

I started reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas again today. Ill probably take it with me to Tenerife next week. The book suits the mood of the place, gets me in the mood to pull some bad craziness myself. As your atternoy I would suggest buying a copy. I always tried to mimic hunter's gonzo style in my writing. However it usually doesnt work out. The best peice I did, in my opinion, was the 24 page account of my trip to Tenerife last October. Im very proud of that thing. It could of been better however. This year I was going to tape a dictaphone but I havent got the cash to get one. Nevermind, a notebook and relatively good memory are all I need.

Blaggard [7:33 PM]

[ Monday, July 01, 2002 ]

K then, lets write this thing down for the record.

Friday saw the end of the exams. Ryan, Funboy and me went straight from the exam room to The Hogshead at which point we drank a couple of pints. Funboy wanted to be home early so left after one. I indulged in the tastyiness that is known as Labatts. This was a short lived event and I was home by about 6pm. Got home, looked at my mobile phone. 9 missed calls and two text messages. Looked at the land line, 3 missed calls. I decided not to bother replying to any of those calls, if they really want to talk to me they will call back. Call back they did, as I was tryin to munch down something to eat before heading out I got a few phone calls. I smacked on some trance to get me in the mood for the clubs and got ready. Got into sp00ns for 7:30. Bought a WKD green(it is a concoction of Fuckups, it is not a real drink so dont try and buy one). Got a big cigar. Everyone slowed got to spoons. We got progressively drunk. The list for the evening was:

Me, Bill, Mo, Clowe, Fuckup, Ears, Snead, Payne, Fish, Ref, Mudie

Ears was drivin so a few of us got the bus. Everyone except Ears, Snead, Bill and Mudie. We got a few bottles from an off licence before getting on the bus. Fuckup almost pissed himself.

We decided the Sports Cafe would be the best place to meet, everyone knew of that place. As we were walking down to it from the bus stop a promoter gave us a flyer for a new club that was opening, it entiteled you to free and entry and drink. We decided to go there a bit later. Went to the Sports Cafe, I smoked lots. I tried to get a cocktail made. My mind got cast back to those days in Tenerife. I had a pressing desire for a sherbert. Unfortunatly they did not have any grenadine.

We moved onto this new club. It was called Riza I think. I liked it, although I thought it would be packed and shitty. However I was wrong, it was a nice place. It was split into different rooms. Some of which were too bright for my liking. I much prefer dank pits. I was gettin ultra fucked by this time. Things progessed and some went to make the move home. Ears, Jones, Bill and Snead went to the works. Due to misunderstanding on my part I thought they were all going home, I was due to go the Work to meet Mudie and his sister. As there were just three of us left I decided that it wasnt worth it.
So there I was completly cunted with Funboy and Clowe. I started doing my now famous dance. Unfortunatly the floor was wet so I last all of 10 seconds before I was flat on my back with about 50 people laughing at me. I hid in the corner and drank. The other two were starting to get tired of the place so I suggestted the place that serves Budweiser on tap. We headed there.

I got my pint. Sat down on a table. Funboy sits down. Funboy throws up all over the table. I just sat there looking at it.

"Err Funboy, maybe you should go to the toilet or somethin. Get it all up."

He staggered off. Clowe sat down. We decided to move to a booth. Funboy returned. Funboy sat down. Funboy threw up again. I gave him a four pint pitcher that was on the table. For the next 30 mins he just kept been sick. Eventually the bouncer found out, only cause the people on the table next to us told the barman though. He kicked us out. He made me carry the vomit jug to the bar. I should have just ran for it. He escorted me to the door. The cunt. I was angry when we got outside. Watching Funboy in that fucked up state was worth it though.

Clowe wanted some food. We left Funboy outside. Came back, we waited for the bus. The bus drove right past us. So I chased the fucker down. I actually did manage to keep up with it for some of the way and he stopped. I got on and realised the other two were far behind. I hungout the door calling to them. The driver was going crazy.

"Get back in the bus!. If you fall out Im gonna be in real trouble, Ill pull up so they can get on"

He was good to his word. Funboy sat on the bus like a zombie. One of the barmaids from Spoons was on there and thought it was hilarious.
We had to walk Funboy home in the end, there was little chance we would have found the way home by himself. In the end I arrived home about 3am.

I woke up on Saturday and ,as I stated in the previous post, I was still drunk. Went to the pub lunchtime for something to eat, a few beers were also inevitable. In the end I sobered up around 5pm. Just to be phoned by Mo asking if he wants to go to Spoons for the night.

A few of us went down to Spoons on Monday night as well. Apparently Fuckup got a lift home with some plumber who he met on Broad Street. I dont even wanna know any further details about that. But there is nothing left to be said on the issue of my last day of exams. It was a damn good night. I had lots of fun, Funboy didnt. He was meant to be in work the following day by 10am. He never made it. Now onto the next things on my list of madness. These first two weeks of my summer will be crazy.

This weekend will see the Cheltenham Pilgramige. An annual event me, Ears and Patterson attend. Although last year it was called off due to foot and mouth. Infact this evening I will be meeting up with the nine strong group we have for the event. Last time we only had four people. It should be good except a few of them are coming up a little young. Will I have to curb my drunking and smoking because of it? Probably. Well shit, you have to responsible sometimes. Although I think everyone is about 16 now. Hehe. I have a few good stories about the last time this event happened. Patterson got drunk and did that many stupid things in one night it was ridiculous. Yes Im looking forward to getting back into Cheltenham, although the weather does not look like it will be on our side. Nevermind, it will be a muddy festival type of atmosphere. Better take a few changes of clothes.

After that on Tuesday I will be returning to Tenerife. That I am also excited about now. More of that in coming days, I might even post the photos from my last trip there.
Blaggard [6:04 PM]