Nothing is static everything is falling apart.
Yes its true. I knew it then even as I know it now. It looks like Jess is going to leave me.
Everyone you ever love will eithier reject you or die.
Blaggard [12:50 PM]
So its all over now. Exams are done and dealt with. No Im not hungover, thats not because Im still pissed eithier. We went straight from the exam room to the union. Fish had been there for almost and hour speedily necking pints of lager, he was 3 down when I turned up. He had another three before we left. We went over to Andy's house with a case of lager and some vodka. Everyone came round mine and we ordered pizza. Fish at that point was heavily drunk so he went down town. I decided to slow and eventually reached some kind of sober point. I decided to wait till 2nite, as everyone cept Palin will be ready and of out then.
The new American girl has arrived at Jess's. Only spoke to her briefly. I was at that sort of drunk stage when all I wanted to do was crack jokes, in light spirt of course. Just her move to a foreign land may have been made by some gawnt ginger half fucked Brummie crackin jokes about her home. Ill do that 2nite.
Blaggard [9:15 AM]
We both said love hurts. Just me and Ri sitting in the kitchen. She told me everything. I apolgised for not doing shit around the house in three weeks. She said she was under alot of stress. She told me about Ben.
We said love hurts.
I gazed at the two slit scarts on the upside of my wrist. There are three there now.
This isnt as bad as you think it is. No really.
Blaggard [12:41 AM]
Well Ben fucked up last night. He kept sending messages to Ri in a jokey flirty way. She got pissed, got the wrong of the end of the stick. I thought she was gonna slit my throat or break down when she got back last night. I decided not to add to her anger and hoovered the house today, she has been getting stressed about the piggish state we live in. All of us cept her are pretty happy to live in our own filth. This room hasnt been cleaned in......must be almost two months now. There are papers all over the floor, a load of rubbish piled against the door, empty beer cans, full ash tray and a pile of empty cig boxes. For some reason there is a steak knife on my desk. I ate soup 2nite. Looks like Im goin to the PJM bar in abit. Last exam tomorrow afternoon then four days of chilled out relaxing. My plan was to get hideously pissed tomorrow night. It doesnt look like its gonna happen though. It would be me, Ben and Fish. Fish dont really wanna do anything. Looks like Ill have to wait till Thursday. Friday and Saturday nights are definates as well it seems. A little over indulgence is good for you at the end of this stressful period.
Jason wants to go to North Wales on Friday. Nah brah.
Blaggard [6:31 PM]
Ever get one of those nights where u feel like a third wheel? Yeah well tonight I felt like a fucking fifth one. I walked out on everyone. I doubt anyone even noticed. Went on a werid walk for a drink by myself in Varsity and then bought a sausage roll from Spar. Walked back. Went to see Jess, but even there things seemed werid. I came back.
Blaggard [1:23 AM]
There has been a heavy descending of fog on Aber the last two days. It rolled in from the sea at about 3 yesterday afternoon. Very thick, could only see about 20 metres. It stayed with us all night and was still present this morning. How about that.
Blaggard [3:15 PM]
That was a very hard exam. Ill be lucky if I passed CS15210. Erk fuck.
Blaggard [1:34 PM]
Ive just ordered a skank load of herbal E's. Weve all gotta start somewhere.
I will be born again.
Blaggard [11:54 AM]
You sit there and you are only half listening to what she says. Shes just telling you about her day, nothing exciting. She talks about next semesters timetable, about post exam parties. All thats running through your mind is probably the worst three words that possbly could be running though it.
I love you.
Blaggard [1:42 AM]
So the exam was done. I sat in the Union watching workmen running cables through the ceiling sipping on a diet coke. It was too early in the day to be served beer and I didnt particularly want a high sugar dosage. Forgot to eat lunch. Watched Queen of the Damned. Closed my curtains and sat in the dark. Did some Java revision. Talked to Ri, she seemed pleased about her exam went. I stuck some Jalapeleno(sp?) peppers in some noodles with melted cheese on them. I had eaten in 24 hours.
Tonight Im going into town with everyone. Ri said she was going to get very pissed then said she couldent afford. She will get very pissed.
We are going to do cocktails in the Cambrian and play drinking games again. Id be surprised if we went to the Glen. Both Jess and Ri are against the idea. Cal is actually coming out with us 2nite. First time since her birthday I think. She is fun to go drinking with. As bad as it sounds I hope Jess doesnt want to stay 2nite. I want to party like a nut. Some control will be needed, Ive gotta work this weekend. Clock up some hours with the books.
Ive just finished reading American Psycho. Brilliant book although it even made my indifferent self feeling almost ill at some points. It does make some good points about society though. An interesting social peice even if it is a fucking gore fest. Better than the film and different as well. Im going to read the play Dr Faustus next which Palin bought me for Xmas. Ive been meaning to read it for years so I think I will dip my nose into it over the weekend.
Ive been feeling very gothy the last few days. Ive taken to sitting in the dark more than usual. Almost basking in its....comfort.. maybe? I got no idea as to why. Ive even thought about painting my nails black. Im seriously considering buying a leather trenchcoat as well, although Ive been thinking about that for a long time.
Individuality is dead. I keep mulling over that point from the end of American Psycho. It reminds me of Fight Club, the book not the film. I havent felt so thoughtful and philosophical in a long time. Maybe Im going back into such a period. It would be interesting to get the thought processes going down that way again. When I was 16 I could literally sit for hours and just think about things.That was 3 years ago. It feels like an aeon.
Blaggard [6:42 PM]
You wake up at 7:30 am. Pour a glass of water and drop two caffeine tablets. As an after thought you eat a mutli vitamin tablet as you just know your not going to eat for the next 12 hours. Take a shower. Its still dark outside. You see some shady fucker skulking around outside and close your curtains. Stick earphones on and crank death metal up. You feel strangely charged and ready. Its exam day again. The haze of little sleep is clearing. Hopefully this is the last time Ill ever have to look at CS10310.
Blaggard [8:34 AM]
I got drunk on Tuesday night. Went down into town for Student nite. Spent far too much money...again. If quit smoking Id have at least an extra £20 to throw around a week, but Im not even gonna think about quitting. I enjoy it to much at the moment. So then CS10fucking3 tomorrow morning. Im looking forward to it as much as I as a death row inmate looks forward to the chair. Ive done more work than I thought I would for it to be honest. The exams are leaving me feeling completly sapped. This weekend for example Ive turned down the chance to go out on Saturday because I know what Im like. Ill just drink a silly amount of booze and get no work done on the Sunday then with the exam Monday morning. Erk. So Im not going to go. This what I h8 about exams. Nevermind though. Wednesday this shit is all over and I can just fuck myself on a four day binge of drugs, sex and booze. All the work will be worth it. Then classes start on Feb 3rd. Back into the grind straight away. Im gonna make an effort to get to know people at RocSoc this term. I feel guilty dragging Rachel and Gemma there. Rachel said she will come again this term. Havent even asked Gemma yet. Her exams arent going to well. I feel awkward talking to her still.
Right fuck this. Im off for a shower then Im gonna indulge in the esoteric arcane horrors of 103. Maybe smoke some cigarettes.
Blaggard [11:51 AM]
Well the first exam went down this morning. To be honest it could have been a lot worse. I was expecting some hideous smattering of esoteric questions from some kind of inner circle of hell. However I actually knew what the whole thing was on about. But how it went down I dont really know, I will find out in just under a month. Im pretty down with that, we still how things turn out then. Quite a few people are in the grips of a terminal fear about it. Ben is I think.
Things havent really been updated much lately on here. Mainly due to exam stuff, today was the hardest one though I think.
On Saturday the back 2 skool thing was meant to be pretty good. Jess and Charlie got shit faced. Jess exposed herself, hehe. Rihan stayed sober which Im surprised about. So did Ben and Fish. Ben was apparently trying to impress everyone with his break dancing moves. He fucked it up and got laughed at. We are going to PJM 2nite and probably down to Varsity tomorrow night. Whther I go to the Pier as well remain to be seen. If no one wants to go to the peir I may just go to Rocsoc by myself if needs be, just to listen to some music I like and be around people of simaler tastes. It can be pretty odd being in a house where no one else really likes the same music that you do. I was tempted to go to IndieSoc 2nite but I dont think is going to happen either. I will do some more work in a bit.
Probably go and see Jess at some point as well. Best do or Ill get shouted at.
We went straight from the exam room to the Union and sipped down on a pint. Fish wanted to get proper pissed. So did I for that matter, yet self control is something that is still required at this stage.
Ive stuck a bag over my smoke alarm so I can smoke in here again.
Blaggard [3:37 PM]
Ya so then. Not much has really gone on since Tuesday evening. Went out Wednesday night just to the PJM and then went to PJM again on the Thursday. Nothing overly serious. Last night I went out on a binge again, was kinda fun. Ri got hideously fucked and was rolling around phoning her ex boyfreind twice to slag him off. Went to The Glen which has changed hands now. Very very expensive and I wasnt happy, especially when the barman sent my pint flying all over the place. Yea but it was still good. Spoke to Gemma for a bit. I think she is falling for someone.
Ate what was probably the tastest Kebab Ive ever had. Walked back home, Charlie was complety fucked. She threw up in The Glen, almost went to sleep in the kitchen as well. Yea she was getting cozy with Ben. They have gone over to the Back 2 School Disco thing now. I really didnt feel like it so just went over the to the PJM bar with Palin, Jason and Joesph. We didnt do a fat lot.
Monday the exams commence. Think I may watch a film then retire for the evening.
Jess stayed the night.
Someone is cooking something fucking rancid.
Blaggard [11:14 PM]
I had sex last night.
Last night was a pretty good ole night on the booze. A very very heavy one though. It all began around 6ish with me, Bill, Ears and Fish sitting in Lord Beechings downing WifeBeater and chewing on their excellent gammon steak. Got back here and plunged into the Guinness. We had a gang and a half out last night. Yes it was excellent. Sitting around up here then pumping music doing booze while getting ready. Palin smashed a can of lager all over the place.
Got into town and started throwing shots of WKD 40 down with the lagers in Varsity. I was as drunk as boris yeltsin before we left the Varsity. Got into Pier. Pints and Purple Haze's. I was all over the place, lack of motor function. Lack of sense. Lack of everything. Staggered outside when they kicked us all out to be confronted by about 6 Pigs and riot van. Instant cascades of The Fear. I got a kebab. That much I remember. Dont remember getting back here or who I got back here with. Next vague memories involve me drinking Ginger Wine and trying to get Brenda out of the cupboard. Palin tryed to shut the door on me which sent me flying onto the floor. Madness. Kept walking up and down the stairs. Eventually got in here and had sex.
Tonight however things are different. Im not in the best of moods. Waves of confusion. I just dont know what is going on here. Went to the PJM bar as well with Joesph, Jason and Ben.
I think I may watch a film. I was too ill to do any revision today. Tomorrow my man. Tomorrow. Film ? Why not.
Blaggard [10:40 PM]
Well then things are all going kinda smoothly. Saturday night was a bit of a blow out. Ben got back so we went down town. Not a lot happened. It was ok until we got to The Glen, then as there was no one around got very very boring quickly. Last night was cool though. Everyone is now back accept Cal, who I dont expect to return until next weekend. Went to the bar last night with everyone then over to Jess's for her birthday bash thing. It was pretty funny. Jason messed himself up with large amounts of alcohol and was lying on the floor spouting shite for a good hour before having to go outside to vomit all over the place. Palin got himself pretty pissed as well and got pretty hyper active. Charlie was ordered to go to bed due to her drunkeness.
Jess stayed round here. I also had a very troubling dream last night. It was disturbing and I woke up in a bit of a cold sweat. Jess went around 12 and Ive spent the rest of the time revising as much as possible. Tonight I will do the same thing. Need to get lots and lots of work done. Tomorrow night is Jess's Big Bash. Heading out into the town for what will be some pretty heavy lashings of alcohol. Yes, it shall all be good. Ears and Bill are coming down for the evening. Bill said he aims to get here around 4:30- 5pm. Then Ill take them into town to show them the culinary delights of Aberystwyth. It will be good to see them and get pissed with em. Tomorrow night should be pretty good. Hopefully there will actually be people on the fucking town for once. Im not sure how many will take this revising business seriously.
Well Im taking it very seriously but non stop work without some good ole fun is a fuck. You end up staring out of the window for most of the time. Anyway 2nite Im going to get heavily into more 101, do a little Java and maybe practice some 103 technique. All I need is 40%.
Shit, better eat something. 24 hours eating only an onion just anit right.
Blaggard [5:03 PM]
Irate Father slags his kids of on website.
Haha. I love websites like this. Make you want to burn things. I think the boarders over at Fark got this thing right. I could write an essay about this gimp. He has just got publicity his kids will wish he never got. If anything this going to make them more distant from him. Well done champ.
Blaggard [1:09 AM]
I just saw the weridest fucking thing. Popped outside for a cigarette and was gazing up at the stars as I like to do. When I saw this really odd shaped thing flying around. It had the same lights as a standard commercial craft accept I swear it was shaped like a big fucking triange. With the lights at the top most edge. It was really werid. I even said quite loud:
"It looks like a fucking triangle"
Blaggard [9:26 PM]
Last night was pretty good fun. Me, Fish and Joesph went on into town just for a few "social" drinks. Well at least that was what we intended to do. Didnt quite work out that way. We went to The Varsity, me and Joesph decided to get ourselves into the shots. I tried the WKD 40 orange, tasted like fucking whiskey. Went to the Cambrain, was dead and overly pricey. Went on down into Spoons were I started training Coronas at a marathon pace. Went to Istanbul kebab and got myself a nice ole kebab n chips.
Came back here, Fish went home. Stayed up watching pulp fiction and drinking vodka till 3am. Went to bed.
Jess's present came today, its a pretty good gift set I think. Three bottles of Smirnoff(one of each kind) in a pine presentation case. The case is handmade as well I think, has a latch on it and everything. Hope she likes it. She will be back here on Sunday. Most people will be back here on Sunday.
I didnt really get much work done today. Couldent concentrate on anything. Im very tired unfortunatly so my mind wouldent focus on anything. Should have had some Pro Plus but I never thought about it at the time. Anyway Ive given up on that idea for the rest of the day. Only did 101 and 152 today. 101 and 103 are worrying me the most. By the time the exam comes round I think I should be well prepared for both of them however.
Im gonna do some sit ups, watch a film and maybe have a can of Guinness. Only eaten some soup today. Back to some good healthy eating. Probably ram and another kebab down the hatch tomorrow night.
Been a student is cool. Cept I have to work now and then.
Blaggard [8:52 PM]
I wish The Crone would refrain from sending me emails about her bowel movements.
Blaggard [10:55 AM]
Yes well another day is done. I did very little other than revise once again. Sorry folks yes my life really is as boring as it sounds at the moment. It has been the same routine. Get up around 10 and read the news till about 10:30, go take a shower and work till about 12. Take 30 minutes or so off to eat a peice of toast and relax a little. Spend the rest of the afternoon till around 5 working having the odd cigarette. Take an hour off for food, today it was beans on toast. Work then till around 9 or 10. Stop and watch a film. Tonight I was feeling overly worked up so wound down with a nice very cold can of Guinness. The draft kind with a widget in it. Yes thats pretty much how it is has been for the last fuck knows how many days anymore. They all sort of mesh into one.
Got a text message of Gemma saying she wanted to phone me later. She went clubbing for her birthday 2nite so she is pissed up proper. Excellent. I miss Gem, it will be good to talk to her even if she is completly uncle alberted. Hehe uncle alberted. I like that term, just invented on the spot. No sense or reason to it. Fuck Im getting tired of this revision shite. Im gonna play Warcraft till about 1 then go to bed I thinks.
Joesph is back now, got in around 6ish. He was wearing half of his clothes due to him having a small suitcase.
Its snowing In Halesowen and at Jess's house. It snowed very briefly this morning. If you werent looking out of the window you would have never noticed it. It rarely snows heavy on the cost.
More of the same tomorrow.
Bill and Ears are probably coming down on Tuesday for Jess's birthday. Hehe, they want to bring Fuckup. I gotta talk to Fish about putting some fool up. Fuckup anit stayin here. Cause chances are Ill be sleeping down at Jess's, well hopefully :) Which means those hombres are gonna have to be trusted here. Bill and Ears are in relative control on the drink. I couldnt unleash Fuckup on this house, I like these people. Imagine what it would do to poor Khang. He would have a break down.
Hehe Gemma just phoned. She is cool, she is back on Saturday. Excellent. Im gonna mess her up with alcohol and talk to her about every little thing thats happened to me in four weeks. Im going to ask her why she looked like she was about to cry in that photo. That bothered me.
The Thing is a fantastic film. Watch it now. It puts The Fear on you.
Blaggard [12:11 AM]
Right well it is still me here all by myself. Looks like everyone has decided to take until next week at home. Nevermind. Im getting quite a large chunk of work done which is nice I suppose. Its getting pretty boring doing work most of the day though. Havent even seen another human since Monday morning. Fish is back now, havent spoke to him though. He got back last night. I got a shite load of work to be doing again today. The amount of work Im putting in I best pass these exams with flying fucking colours. Ive run out of cigarettes so Ill have to go over to the Co-op later to pick some up. May actually see some other humans. My cactus is getting pretty sick of me talking to it.
Blaggard [10:32 AM]
Right then Ive started to write some film reviews for this little blog which can be found oddly enough in the film reviews section. They are shite. Ive been watching shite films leeched from computers on the uni network. Im kinda tired now. Think I may go to bed.
Oh yeah the photos page has been broken down into yearly sections now. Ive bought all of my photos with me since I was 16 and intended to scan them all up. Laugh riot eh?
Yea well it entertains me.
Blaggard [12:42 AM]
I thought today, during my revision break, I would comment on the shootings back in that filthpit of Birmingham. The only reason I feel this has made the news is because they probably didnt have anything to do with the reason for the shooting, merely in the wrong place at the wrong time. There is a shooting every few days in Birmingham. Why just a week or so before I got back someone was shot just by my grans house. What we are now seeing is a typical knee jerk reaction but a couple of right wingers. Im not talking about the tightening in gun control. Im talking about the MP who came out laying the blame on garage and rap music.
We may see a rise of the anti-rap "concerned parents" group that we saw in the early 90's. I think Tipper Gore was a prominent figure in it, or was it the other guys wife. Ah who cares. What you are basicly screaming about is censorship of things you dont like. If we are going to go with this freedom of speech thing, something Im a particular fan of then you even if you dont like what someone is saying you shouldent even think about stopping them saying it.
To think rap music inspired these shootings is ignorance of the highest degree, something obviously said by someone who has no idea what gun culture really is or why it is there. From what Ive seen I would adovcate that it is a product of the drug trade rather than people trying to be a rudeboy. Guns can equate with power which is excellent in the drugs world. If your seen as powerful, who is gonna fuck wit you.
Blaggard [2:55 PM]
So here I am back in Aber. Its good to be home I tell you. The house and much of the village is empty for that matter. It is so blissful. Im just sitting here with some chilled out music on watching shite films Ive ripped from the network. I did a load of work today.
These really are the best days of my life. Jess sent me a message before she went to bed just to see if I ok and to say goodnight. Tomorrow Im getting up early to get back into some more work. Ive done quite a lot today as it happens. From about 4 till 9:30 with an hours break for food and to read the paper. Got a few cards to post tomorrow to Gemma and Rachel for their birthdays. Ive gotta sort out something for Jess's as well. I was gonna get Gemma and Rachel something nice, instead of sending them money. I left it too late, own stupid fault. So I think Im going to order them some books and give them one when they get back. Not exactly up to the high quality of the xmas presents but its better than just money.
As I was leaving Spoons on Friday the bouncer shook my hand and said goodnight. I think Halesowen is far gone now. Nothing is static...remember that. Things had changed, we had all changed. Im just gonna enjoy these days alone by myself till Joesph and Fish get here on Tuesday. Only about a day now though eh? I think I should of come back on Saturday. Just for some quiet reflective time, and to get more work done!
Time for sleep, got a busy day tomorrow. Need to drag myself into the physics building, if its even open yet.
Blaggard [12:54 AM]
So Jess has been gone about 30 minutes now. We had a good time. We messed around, we ate and drank a lot. She got here just as I got out of the shower on Wednesday. Took her down to Spoons for lunch and hit the drink straight away. By about 6pm I felt like absolute shite. On the night I took her into the Maypole, unfortunatly by that point I was viritually in an alcohol coma so we left. I threw up a little in a bush on the way. About 9pm the Big Spit kicked in and I vomited heavily clogging the beathroom sink up with a half digested gammon steak and fried egg. Despite a throbbing headache I felt fine after that. Jess went to bed around 12 and I stayed up till 1ish watching pointless shit on the TV.
Thursday The Crone took us out to lunch up The Waterfront. Was actually very nice food. Then I took her shopping round Merry Hill. She bought some boots in the sale, I got my hands on a Marilyn Manson CD for half price. We made our way back here and then pretty much got ready to go out. I took her up Broad Street. Got quite a good group of us togeather. Bill, Clowe, Fuckup Jones, Ears, Dan(Ears m8), Payne. Started in Spoons and headed up to the Sports Cafe. Saw Driscoll in there. The whole town was dead though, it was Thursday night and most people were probably recovering from New Years still. Went to Flares afterwards. Was better than I thought it would be, 70's thmed club. Ears told me he finally engaged in The Bloodening. Then we slipped over to Risa, where they I.D'd us. It was nice to be in Risa again, although most of it was shut due to the small numbers of people. Most places had 2-4-1 on the drinks which was nice. Fuckup fucked up. Got very drunk kept smacking himself of the bus stop, stuck a cocktail umbrella in his hair. Stole the map out of the bus stop display.
There were no buses running so we had to get a Taxi in the end. We bartered a deal with and demanded payment in advance. Then Fuckup started screaming and jumping around in the back of the cab. Dropped us by Fuckups house then we had to walk back. Bill headed of and left me and Jess to it. She kept having to stop because her new boots hurt her feet. We talked a bit. She said she would probably cheat on me, I said I would probably brake her heart.
We walked on a bit. Then....well that is between me, her and hopefully just the cat that walked past.
Im going back to Aber on Sunday. Gonna go to Spoon 2nite to say bye to Mo. He goes back tomorrow. Probably ought to get some work done today as well.
Blaggard [2:21 PM]
I havent had the booze shakes this bad in a long time. The liver is clearing it out and the cells dont like it too much. I cant remember how I got home, or why it took me 45minutes to get from the Rose and Crown to my house(less than a 5 minute walk). I have no idea why the barman let me have so much booze, I had enough to kill an Ox last night. The same guy served everytime he knew exactly how much of the rotten stuff Id thrown down my throat yet he let my do Tequilas sometime after midnight. Excellent. Jess is coming today. I am Joes excitment.
Blaggard [11:35 AM]
Ive had alot to drink.
Blaggard [11:06 AM]