Well I aint done much today. Got up 10ish, drank coffee and did a little work. Went to lectures. Came back did a little more work, ate. Then sat down and started typing this.
We had a group meeting for the Java project. Ive got lumped with creating two lists for the project. I kinda wanted to do that as I know its the most challeneging part, its the most recent thing we have done in the course. No sense in do this thing unless its done Right. Get to fiddle with JUnit testing as well which should be interesting as Ive yet take a look at it.
Going to start it on Wednesday morning probably after my exam and before we head out for the BBQ. Thursday night is The Pier, cause Gemma loves it. Friday night...town. Well why not, everyone is going home Saturday. Ill be all on my tod for most of Easter. Sam is coming down next Wednesday with her friend then the following week Ears and the lads are coming down methinks. Ears has got himself a new pimp mobile and wants to test it out on a long haul trip, see how it moves. Hope the fool got a kick ass bass box in it. Hehe.
Anyway back to the joys of data streams, two hours of this, then CompSoc later.
Blaggard [5:49 PM]
Well then. Its been a crazy ole weekend.
Spoke to Gemma yesterday and its all sorted out. We are good friends. She then got shit faced and sent me a load of text messages, they were all really nice.
Jasons friend Rhodery came down to see him as well. Nice fella. We all went on over to the union. There was no theme for the night this time, probably due to it being the last weekend of term. I had an absolute cracking time. Spoke to a load of people, drank like a metaphorical fish and smoked a ton of the ole cigarettes.
Some asshat set the fire alarm of so we all ended up standing outside for ages. Spoke to Charlie about....well I cant exactly remember what but nevermind.
I met another Rhoderi. Jess's ex Rhoderi. He was shit faced and just walked over and asked me if I was the ex. He seemed like a nice guy. Jess talked to him for a bit: He said we were both victims of her. I never felt like a victim of hers. I think she upset him in the end but I dont really know how to cheer her up about that. Jason went outside to chuck his guts up.
Left at whatever time and walked back with Gemma(sane). She really likes that asshat Aidan. The guy is a fool. He treats her like shit. But she really likes him so Ill help her in whatever way I can with it. I told her to get togeather with him. I dont know if it was the right thing to say or not. I hope it was.
Anyway. Its 7:20, I anit done shit but watch episodes of Futurama all day. Man Im fucking lazy, its such a sunny day though. Palin rolled back into town a couple of hours ago.
Stray cats roam around this village, I saw all of them picking at some dead thing the other day. Just thought Id share that.
Blaggard [7:23 PM]
It all ended up with Crazy Gemma finding out how much I like her. She freaked and ran off. Is now ignoring me. I tried to call her yesterday but there was no awnser Ill try again this afternoon. I hope our friendship doesnt fall apart just because of one silly mistake I fucking made. We were getting on better than we had ever done before as well.
Bide your time.
In other news I reckons Jessica thinks Im after Charlie. This is not the case. Yea shes hot, absolutly stunning infact......but Im just not interested in her like that. She makes me laugh and shes fun to talk to. Just a friend. I can see this all ending in tears though, luckily Jess is attached to Tom most of the time now so itll probably take a while. Hell shes so distant from us all at the moment that she never even saw Rhi n Fish coming. Hehe, I said to Fish about it on Thursday:
"You know Fish Im completly stunned and shocked by my complete lack of surprise"
I thought that was pretty good.....for me.
Blaggard [10:54 AM]
I am the worlds biggest bastard.
I should have thrown myself of the bridge when I had the chance.
Blaggard [11:29 AM]
Fish and Rhi are now togeather.
I am Joe's complete lack of surprise.
Blaggard [11:50 AM]
I have worked my fucking ass off today. No idea why, I just got up and started hitting the work like crazy. Went to Co-Op bought some Rocket Fuel Coffee and a sandwich. Chatted to crazy Gemma for ages. She is coming to Pier with us tomorrow night now! I have to say she is one of most interesting people you can go out on the town with. Never a dull moment.
Got no plans for this evening. Cant be arsed to do any work although I should probably organise my Java notes or something. Got an exam in that next week. Was going to the bar, palin has too much work, rhi is going to see fish(no fucking surprise there) to watch a film. No one else invited though. They went off down town togeather today, and he was talking up a storm and keeping me awake till fuck knows when last night.
I told charlie Id text her and let her know whats going on. She is upset with Rhi for ignoring her lately, aye and Im pissed with Fish for ignoring me. I might as well have not been there on Saturday. I kinda feel sorry for Charlie at the moment, Jess is always with Tom and now Rhi is always with Fish. I think she feels lonely, Ive been talking to her more. Hope its making her feel less alone.
Gemma came over and talked to me today and show me some photos. That was really nice, hadnt spoken to her like that in ages. I think Im getting over her now though. She told me to go bang on there door later. Might convince them to go to the bar. Not that I even want to drink. Just wanna talk to people.
Least there in the Pier tomorrow night. That will be cool. Have Gem gem, crazy gem gem and Helen to banter with. Cool.
Blaggard [3:54 PM]
Last night was fucking cool. Went out with CompSoc. Got very twisted. Drank green Aftershock. Talked complete shit at Mark, 5th year. Talked to Ali, who just happened to be in the Pier last night. Got to phone her next time we go out. Got myself a kebab. Ended up getting a taxi home and telling the driver I would buy his house of him. God only knows why we were talking about houses. He knew I was shit faced I think. When I finally got home, spoke jibber jabber to Clare and Palin till 3am. Bombed out. 102 this morning was a nightmare. Ive never seen Burt as drunk as he was last night, it was a good time. I heard some foul stories from those guys in the 2nd year of stuff they had gotten up to.
Tonight went to the PJM bar. Didnt really drink( 1 bottle of Bud) and then hit the cokes. So now Im sugared up and ready to go! Came back here and just wrote nearly all of my CV. Which means less work for me tomorrow. Going to have a very slow one tomorrow. Jason just drank a bottle of wine. Piss. Artist.
Uni is cool.
Blaggard [12:21 AM]
Its been a mixed weekend. Saturday night went to the beach party....all three of us. Rhi and Fish went off dancing. I really hate dancing these days. So spent most of the night by myself. Yes I could have just gone over and stood with them in the crowd but that would have been pointless, would have felt like an asshat anyway. Ill give it two weeks before those two start fucking. So that was boring. Let myself get into some kind of state. Got back here, freaked out.
Sunday on the other hand was good fun. Clare organised a big BBQ down on the South Beach. Went down there, kicked it in the sun. Ate a load of burgers and hot dogs. Took some photos of the sunset and of Palin buried in the sand. Talked to some people. We got a fire going. A few people are treading carefully around me since last Saturdays events. Dont blame them really. It would be a lot nicer if they didnt though. Sat next to Gemma and talked to her for a good 30 minutes. I think Ill be ok about that thing. Give it some time, things are already getting better.
Looks like Im going to have to go back Easter. Three days only though. No more. That fucker will have me back there for almost 4 months in the summer so I dont give a shit how much she bitches and moans. I had trouble coping xmas, let alone the summer. Hopefully any landlord we get would be bendable on summer lodging. I could come back every other week or something just to fuckin cool off. Hell Im pissed off just thinking about it.
Anyway time for a shower, then a coffee. CompSoc 2nite. Burt is planning a big blowout as his project work is finished. Excellent.
Blaggard [10:48 AM]
I hate writing CV's. When Ive finished this accursed fucker Im going to stick it on the internet for every other student in the world to download and copy. It is the most boring and labourious process ever. Even worse than writing that group presentation.
Shit. I need to email Johnny and tell him whats going on. He wont be pleased if I turn up in a week with the excuse :
"Well I was going to do it, but I just went on a bit of a bender"
"Youve had a good two weeks!"
"Well maybe it was a pretty big bender"
Blaggard [4:45 PM]
Fuck. Anti war demo is today. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I dont know if Rhi has gone or not. Not seen her, she was out last night.
Hehe last night was funny. We went bowling which was a good laugh then went into town. Met up with Gemma(crazy) and Helen and went to The Glen. Some chaps tried to pick a fight with us because we sat in there seats or something silly. Asshats. Spent most of the night talking to Gemma(crazy) and Helen. Gems got upset about her ex boyfreind been there, said he was twat or something. Helen is a really nice person, chatted her to ages. Gemma didnt want to leave so me and Helen got a taxi back. I tried to pay but she wouldent have it. Then tried to walk her home, she literally put me into this house. She has a thing about people doing that I think.
So I just walked right out and took her home anyway.
It was all good fun. Now this morning I realised I dont have much food left so need to get myself some more. Cant be fucked to go into town so the Co-Op it is.
Beach party 2nite.
Blaggard [12:24 PM]
Rhi and me are going on the next Anti-War march, we decided this morning. Its time to stop fucking around and get active in this thing.
Last night was fucking fantastic as well. One of the best nights in ages. Ill write about it later.
Blaggard [12:25 PM]
Where is that crazy son of a bitch Oswald now that there is a president (besides that shit head Nixon) worth offing.
Blaggard [11:51 AM]
Well house hunting today. Had a viewing at 1:30, landlady phoned at 1:15 and said the house had been taken. We have no where to live still. Gemma and Rach were freaking like crazy. Tracy was stressing about the fact that those two were stressing so much. In the end, in desperation, we went down to Residential services. They were really nice to us, said we would probably even get a 7 person house, we are first on the list as soon as the next one comes in. Apparently there are joints coming in all the time, things should be fine.
Re-Load 2nite. Im kind of worried about how Im going to act if Gemma meets a guy there. I have to learn. I heave to learn. Ill be ok. I think Ive finally understood, I mean truely understood that I have to let her go. Shes free. I have no right to get worked up about this. Im just a silly asshat for letting myself fall in love with her.
Right need to change bed sheets and have a fuckin shave.
Blaggard [7:29 PM]
Monday was St Patricks day. It was a good day. Got up, did a bollock load of work and headed out to lectures. Stuck Guinness in the fridge. Went up to the union about 4:30 to get a packet of smokes, the whole plaza place was covered with people boozing away, it reeked of alcohol. Anyway got home and started drinking. Clare had been boozing away since 9am, shed had a Reef with her breakfast. Drank slow when I got home. Went into town with Rhi, Charlie, Palin and Jason at about 8:30. Acadamy, Varsity. Rhi and Charlie left cause Rhi was feeling ill. Me and Jason hit that shit hard. We went to Rummers. Clare joined us. Found out they closed at 12. Ordered a taxi and were in the Glen just before 12. Clare was shit faced. We were all shit faced.
Left and met some Irish man named Aled. Got a kebab. Clare went into Hollywood pizza, stole a flag and then applied for a job in there. Ended up getting a taxi and taking home some random local we found on the street. Back in the village ended up barreling into Fish's waking everyone up. Got back here and Clare woke Rhi up. Yes we were all in shit this morning. Went and got a box of chocolate to make the peace, gave one to rhi as well. I got a Guinness drum so went and gave that to Jess, she really wanted one of them. I kinda miss that girl.
Today got back from lectures about 3:30 and kicked it outside Fish's. We decided to go and get some burgers and grill them up. We ended up having a full blown BBQ. We even bought a proper one so we can have loads of em. It was so cool. Kicked back outside in the cool dusk air. Four pack of Rolling Rock, burgers on the BBQ. Chilled out music, fantastic people laughing and joking. It was cool. Really good time.
There are some new photos up. Tomorrow night is Re-Load. First time Ill be going out with Gemma there since suicide o rama on Saturday night. Hehe, I do usually take a very unbothered attitude to stupid things I do to myslef sometimes. Its going to be hard tomorrow night. Give myself a good booting in the ass if Gemma meets someone there. Cant get worked up. Have to let go. For once in my life I think I may actually ask Rach to help me tomorrow night. You know, just to remind me and, if nessacery, to give me a good clout if Im a silly arse.
There is no point in being reserecting yourself just to fuck it up at the first hurdle. This has to be done right.
Blaggard [1:39 AM]
Only after disaster can we resurected. Only after total self obliteration only then can we see what must be done. Bottom hit about 4:30am with me balanced on the footbridge about to jump. Just me, the crisp pre dawn air and a shit load of tarmac laid out in front of me. But I stepped back and didnt jump. Bottom has come and gone I survived it again this time. Now its time to rebuild once again. Change, adapt and move on. Its time to let go of Gemma. Because it was all about her. It always is. It has to stop. I ran off after the beer thing. Everyone came looking for me. There was light breeze at 4:30am.
Rachel knew I was going to do something crazy. My down was different this time, no wild thrashings, no smashings. Just tears.
I was balanced up there. I stepped back because of Rachel, because of Gemma, because of Gemma, because of Palin, because of Jason, because of Tracy, because of Rhi, because of Charlie. These people have put up with my intense madness, my craziness. They put up with all my problems, all the shit I spout. All the times I got upset and smashed shit. They were there. Trying to help. I never really saw until right there at 4:30am in the middle of the footbridge that these people care about me. Jess came after me after the union. I was just sitting on the grass. I just couldent make the final step of there. I couldnt repay all there kindness and tolerance like that. With me, dead, at 4:30am.
Nothing is static. Everything is falling apart. Only after disaster can be reborn. Reborn I shall be.
Got a stien out of it as well.
Blaggard [5:17 PM]
It never ends. The project is out of the way, handed in. Done, complete and fucked off. The next session of The Fear is about to kick in. Assignment 2 issued on Thursday, an exam before Easter. A load of tutorial work. Debates, webpages to write. A LaTeX worksheet. A fucking CV to write. Yes Militant March is in full swing ladies and Gents.
The man, the myth, the legend Tom Moore is scheduled for arrival tomorrow sometime for the self anihalation that will be the German Bier Kellar. I Love Germans. Gonna walk on down into town and get a costume for St Patricks day as well tomorrow. Ill look like an asshat, but wont care cause Ill be shitfaced.
Fish's illness has got the better of him and he has bombed out of Aber for a few days. Dont know when he will be back. I saw him briefly today, he looked a fucking mess, all over the place and a messed up voice. Me and Khang went to the Co-op after handed in the project and bought some ice cream. Been ages since Ive had ice cream and been as it is such a nice day I decided to munch down.
There is a good chance that dead man walking Slythe will be at the house party. I dont know how this thing will go. Ill eithier not give a shit after a couple of beers or murder the fool after a couple of beers. Love makes me act silly.
Blaggard [5:34 PM]
Shit it has been a long ass week. Project work deadlines, drunken launcy. Last Friday was the wildest. house party. ever. Palin got hideously shit faced and didnt get home till 7:30, spent the night vomiting. Almost had to get an ambulance on his ass. Yeah. I almost killed some chap who was trying it on with Gemma. I would have done as well if Clare hadent stopped me. Oddly I was twice as enraged about it the following morning than when I was pissed. Had a freak out, almost went over there and killed the fool with a steak knife. But in the end beat the shit out of myself and collapsed in the shower. Went to the skool disco on the night. I was still angry.
Gemma came back round here afterwards, shitfaced, and we sat in the kitchen jabbering till 4am.
Monday went to CompSoc, last all of 30 mins. Everyone has project deadlines on them at the moment. I finished the beast of today. Just got one more page of stuff to print off which I cocked up the first time. Ill do it in the morning. Lots of people seem to be coming down with a sickness. Im ok despite a chronic tiredness. Computer related. My eyes were raging earlier from staring at this damned monitor. Tried to get people to go for a balti, everyone seems to have filled up already. So the rest of the evening Ill play unreal 2 and probably watch a film. 9am start. Crazy.
Another house party tomorrow night. Its Helens birthday(frieind of Crazy Gemma) everyone seems to be going to that. Im down. German Bier thing again on Sat.
Monday = St Patricks Day. Oh yes.
Blaggard [7:27 PM]
Ah its been a mad rush day already so far, but Ive got quite a bit of work done. Which is sweet. Got up at 10, was down in uni for 11. Sat in the workroom Tom once again had to help me with my code. But after the intial help I managed to nail it. The project, at least the code part is now virtually complete. Just a few GUI tweaks and maybe a couple more things that I may try and implement. But nothing Serious. No static methods are present, thank fuck for that. Got back here about 1, after going to Co-op and getting two bottles of coke, a sandwich and a pack of Superkings. Then cracked on with code until about 3pm. Stopped, talked to Rhi, Fish n Charlie on MSN and had a superking. Made me feel like I was back down the smoking shed at college.
House party 2nite. Me = shitfaced.
Blaggard [2:21 PM]
On Wednesday evening we went to Reload. It was a good night. I got into the old "everyone hates me kind of mood" and "no one will ever love you". But thankfully it lasted about 30 minutes then I was back to happy mood. Jason babbeled crap at me all night, it was interesting. Gemma hugged me. I came back here and got onto messenger, drunk, until some silly time. However I dont really remember it.
Went and did the quiz 2nite, didnt too much a drop of the demon drink. Jess bought her new guy along. His name was Tom. I thought he was an asshat. But I would have thought that if he was the nicest guy in the world. Im not going to be a dick about this, cause Im being stupid. Im being jealous when it was me who left her. So lets say it right:
Im a silly asshat.
I get pissed at myself when I think about how I threw away the first relationship I ever had and for what ? Because I think Im in love with a girl who I know isnt interested in me. I threw it all away for her and she will probably never know.
We came second in the quiz and won 20 bottles of Grolsch. We are gonna drink em tomorrow night, we are all goin round to Fish's. Im tempted to go and buy a big bottle of Red Aftershock and mix up some Dragons Blood. Thatll blow my head of probably. Saturday night is school disco again. Madness. Went and got my Java project looked over. Not only am I an asshat, I code like one.
Blaggard [12:36 AM]
Instead of doing my Java project this morning I decided to watch a copy of Bowling for Columbine. It was playing over in the Arts Centre but unfortunatly I missed it. Ironically it made me want to a put a bullet between the eyes of Bush and Charlton Heston. What a couple of asshats. Heston might as well dance around in a KKK costume like the racist fool he is.
I never really thought about the angle Moore put forward in trying to understand the reason behind all the gun murders in America. I always just thought its more like it is here, gang related and a shit load of people get in the way. However when I look at it thats a pretty weak idea. His idea of the a level of ultra Fear in the country is very interesting. The way the media and politicians pump the Fear around to further their aims. Its kind of sick really, makes me remember people flogging Anthrax vaccine at the height of said attacks. It also got me thinking about why I kept that damned pop gun of an air pistol lying around back in Birmingham. The Fear.
As some Canadian said "You obviously dont trust your neighbour then".
I think he is right. I always thought Fox news was a bit of a scare monger from those lazy mornings I spent watching it in Tenerife. That had my Fear levels up and I was halfway accross the world at the time. I never really thought about the effect that must have on people. I was well impressed at how they got K Mart to stop selling bullets. I hope Mr Moore keeps on shaking those crazy ultra wingers around.
In other news I went to the Varisty and Pier last night. I was in happy bouncy mood last night. Spoke to a load of people. Smoked too many cigarettes.
Jess is seeing someone else............I guess I knew she would eventually.
Blaggard [2:35 PM]
Oh dear. I appear to have overslept and thus missed CS102. Oh well, probably as fun as pulling teeth. My excuse for this is an alcohol related one. But thatll never wash, Im meant to be a professinal.
Went to CompSoc last night, got alot drunker than I intended. Not quite sure how it happened. Ended up in the Bay talking to Liz. She is kinda nice, but also finished Uni and in a job so I dont think I have much of a chance there. So anyway me and Fish went to get a kebab afterwards. One of the PJM bar maids was in there. She said hello so I said "Ah hello......um.....barmaid". Her boyfriend didnt look to impressed. She laughed. Then said he name was Sheryl. I told her mine. Fish was laughing his ass off. I staggered off. Got back here and for some reason or another ended up round Clares playing with her hamster and looking at her photos.
The swine in the bay attacked me with the handstamp. I feel violated.
Blaggard [10:34 AM]
This has got to have been one of the singular worst days of my fucking life. I tell you its only 1:20 as I write this and everything that could have gone wrong really has. I got up at about 9am and did some work. I was in a reasonable mood. I was waiting around for case to arrive, so I didnt put any music on and left my headphones of entirely, just so I heard the bell. The fucker turned up and never rang the bell. I was in the kitchen at the exact time that the card said he called. Fucker. So I thought, no problem lets go pick it up from the depot. I looked at the card and the depot is in motherfucking Newport, which an absoulte massive fucking distance from Aber and would require £40-50 in taxi fares, just to fucking get there.
They are bringing it tomorrow, Im taking the morning off and sitting right next to the motherfucking door so I dont miss the fucker.
So then I went over to the campus to get my project looked over. I waited for 30 minutes to see an advisor for him then to just walk out for lunch. By this time I was starting to get a little worked up. I decided to go and get a packet of crisps from the vending machine. Got there and found my change had fallen out of my pocket and thus had no money.
Right then. To the Co-Op I thought, Ill get some cash out of the machine then buy a nice sandwich, thatll calm me down nicely. I was walking up the road when some old bastard started screaming and shouting at me for wearing earphones. He was in a car, I was no where near the fucking road. If he had been on the pavement I was pissed off enough to give the same back to him. In the end I got to the co-op bought a sandwich and just thought fuck it, bought 20 Mayfair and a scratch card. The scratch card lost. So I have in the end acheived fuck all today due to everything screwing up in everywhere. I now have a raging headache. Im going to go back to the advisor after my two lectures and refuse to leave until one of them talks to me.
Then Im going to go to CompSoc and get hideously drunk and pay for sex.
This is definatly one of those days Hunter S talks about. One where the only sensible thing to do is the haul up with a tall glass of gin and drift away from the world. If I miss that damned package tomorrow I am going to monumentally angry, I have no possible way of getting to Newport to pick it up. After tomorrow I have no choice to pick it up. Then it gets returned on Friday which means Ill have to order the fucking thing again.
What else could go wrong today....shit...well actually something else did wrong this morning.
Marilyn Manson at full volume is the only thing which is going to balance me out now.
Blaggard [1:20 PM]
Friday night turned into another crazy night of drunken lunacy. Gemma, the one who has a bit of reputation as a maneater, came along with us. She was hideously shit faced after two cocktails. So shit faced it was kind of scary. Ah but she is a funny girl, I kinda of had a crush on her for a while. That path I think I fruitless as it is already been explained to me not to bother by a few people. Anyway by the time we left the Cambrian and got to the Acadamy she was ultra shit faced. She was stopping people in the street just to talk mindless crap at them. Then she told the barman to get her drink "Sharpish". We sat down, she threw a load of shit around laughing and then burst into tears. Although I was told afterwards on why she did it really is something that shouldent be discussed on this website. I often dont mind talking about my problems on here but to discuss someone elses, especially when it was of such a serious nature is wrong.
Anyways. We then moved on to the Varsity. Didnt really see her much in there, I spent most of the time talking to Andy about various issues of the day. We staggered on down into the Glen. Tom, James and Mark L where in there. Tom has been fucking around crazy Gemma so in the state she was in an argument was inevitable. Tom laughed it off. But then Tom is a fucking prick. I tried to like him, I really did. But the boy is a fuckwit. What mainly turned me against him was the way he was treating Tracy last term. Fair enough I know he really liked her but he took things to far. He became abusive when she turned him down. Giving her mouthy phone calls. A person like me wouldent be bothered by this, infact I would see a funny side to it. But not everyone is like me and it really got to her.
Shit anyways. Got a kebab on the way home and me and Gemma(nice, cool Gemma) walked back up the hill togeather. We talked. Its been a while since we talked.
Went round to hers last night, we played Pictionary while sitting on thier landing. It was funny. You should have seen my Birdman, complete with horse(It was meant to be a Knight but I cant draw).
I cant beileve I just stopping updating this thing mid stream to create an array and loop statement for my project. When an idea comes to my head I have to try them out immeadiatly or I get really worked up and agitated. This week I am going to try my herbal E's. Im going to work a little harder everyday this week so I can afford to wipe Wednesday of the slate completely and expirment. I intend to write a full expirence log and stick it on this website.
Blaggard [11:19 AM]